Part One: The Other Side
by forgotten-magick
Summary: Part One of the Jack's Secret Chronicles. Jack's last days and the secret that died with him. Why didn't he tell them? Now you can find out!
1. The First Goodbye

**This is just something that goes along with my other fanfic, _The Second Chance_. If you haven't read that, then this fic will make zero sense to you.**

**I got to thinking last night, what was going through Jack's head when he came back after Evelyn's death? Why didn't he tell his brothers up front about Evy?**

**That's something that kinda bugged me about my fic, lol. But now, because I _can_, I'm going to explain it.**

**That, and the fact that it's going to be a real tear-jerker and I know that all my lovely readers lap up the misery I provide.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own this yadda-freaking-yadda.

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_This can't be happening,_ Jack thought miserably, shoving a few more shirts into his bag. _How can Mom be dead?_

Tears overwhelmed him again and he sank onto the bed with his face buried in his hands. It hurt so much to think of the world without her. Evelyn was the only mother he'd ever had, the only person who'd ever loved him, flaws and all.

Well, not quite the only one, now that he thought about it. Grace loved him completely and so did Evy.

_Evy_. Almost as if the little girl could sense that he'd been thinking about her, she came into the room. He looked at her, the green eyes that we just like his, the shock of dark blonde hair that grew in every direction. "Are you okay, Daddy?" she asked, coming over and sitting on the bed next to him. She took his hand, her little fingers twining easily with his.

"Yeah, baby," he lied, forcing a small smile. "Just a little sad."

She gazed up at him, her little face somber and sympathetic. "Want me to get a teddy bear for you?" she asked. "I always feel better when I have my teddy."

Jack laughed slightly. "I don't have a teddy, honey."

"No teddy?" she said, her eyes wide with shock. "No wonder you were crying!"

Jack laughed harder this time and swept his daughter up into his arms, burying his face in her hair. She'd never met Evelyn. They were going to go to Detroit for Christmas; Evelyn had been so excited at the prospect of meeting her granddaughter. _It's cruel that you'll never get to meet each other,_ he thought, longing for his mother yet again.

"Daddy?" Evy said quietly.

"Yeah, baby?"

"When are you coming home?"

Jack sighed. If he knew Bobby, he might not be back for a month or more. The thought of being away from his beautiful little girl for that long made his sadness increase. "I really don't know, Evy," he answered. "But I shouldn't be gone too long."

"Oh good," she said happily. "We need to finish the Queen book and I can't read. You need to come home so that you can read it to me."

"I promise I'll come home quick so that I can finish it for you," he assured her, setting Evy down on her feet and standing up.

"Okay Daddy." She smiled and hugged his legs. "See ya later!"

He watched her run out of the room with a smile. She loved him so much that she couldn't even imagine a world where he wasn't perfect. Evy was perfect in his opinion. Beautiful, smart, lively. He could see why Grace loved the little girl so much and why she clung to her.

Jack finished packing, tears falling slowly down his face. If at all possible, he wanted to keep Evy safe from all the awful things in life. He never wanted anything to take away the beautiful innocence she had.

He walked out into the hallway and watched Evy as she lay on the floor in the living, coloring in the KISS coloring book he'd bought for her a few days ago. She looked so peaceful, the total opposite of what he felt inside. Even though he looked back at his fling with Grace as nothing more than two friends having a good time, he would never see it as a mistake and it was all because of that beautiful little girl before him.

_I'll protect you baby,_ he thought. _I swear to God I'll protect you better than my parents protected me._

- - - - - -

Jack checked his pockets one more time. Plane ticket, wallet, cigarettes, everything was there. He turned back to face Evy and Grace who were standing there, sadness on their faces. He forced a smile and hugged Grace. "Don't worry," he whispered in her ear. "I'll be back before you've had time to miss me."

"Too late," she whispered back, tears heavy in her voice.

He pulled away and picked Evy up. "When everything's safe again, I'll take you to meet the family," he said, breathing deep the smell of her hair. Setting her down, he ruffled her hair. "I love you."

"Love you too, Daddy," Evy said.

Grabbing his bag and his guitar, Jack opened the front door. "I'll be back soon, I promise," he told them, smiling again even though it was the last thing he felt like doing. "I'll be back before you've even had time to get used to the peace and quiet."

With a last smile he shut the down and hurried down to the waiting taxi. After he'd gotten to LAX and was sitting in the plane, he let himself think, something he'd been avoiding since the call had come about Evelyn.

Closing his eyes, Jack leaned back in his seat. Evelyn hadn't even been surprised to find out that he had a daughter. _"I figured one of you boys would find out you had a child," _she'd said, laughing_. "You're all too handsome for your own good and to say that you spread the good cheer is an understatement."_

Nor had she been surprised when he explained why he was staying with Grace. "I really don't love her, Mom," he'd told Evelyn. "But she loves me so much. She's not stupid, she knows the main reason I'm staying is because of Evy, but it doesn't seem to bother here. It's almost scary how much she loves me."

Even though he'd only been away from them for less than an hour, Jack was already having trouble remembering what Grace looked like. Evy, on the other hand, was sharp and clear in his mind, every little detail lovingly memorized. She was really the light of his life. It killed him that he'd missed the first years of his life. Firsts only happened once and he'd missed all of them. Her first steps, first haircut, first shot, first bruise, first smile, first word, first everything.

_I should have been there,_ he thought yet again. _But I'll make it up to her. I'll never leave Evy again after this trip. I'll never miss anything else.

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**Hehe, so I didn't actually plan on making this a long fic, but I'm thinking it might turn out that way. I know, I know, you all hate my writing and none of you want to read anymore.**

**So anyway, please review.**


	2. Getting Settled

**Yay, I got reviews! Have I mentioned how much I love reviews? Cause I really, _really_ love reviews. Seriously, I might even consent to . . . illicit dealings/actions for reviews.**

**Anyway, hope you all like this story as much as you liked my other one (which has had 1064 hits as of now, go me).**

**Enjoy!

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Jack looked around the main concourse, trying to spot the cabbie that Jerry was sending for him. When he finally found the guy, he laughed out loud. The sign said, "Cracker Jack".

"I'm Cracker Jack," he said. The guy laughed and grabbed Jack's bag.

"Funny man, your brother," the cabbie said as they walked out into the freezing cold. "Told me to make sure than you laughed at that. Seemed really important to him."

Jack nodded and carefully put his guitar in the trunk. "Our mom just died," Jack said. "He always tries to lighten the mood when something bad happens."

The cabbie nodded wisely as they got in the car. "There's one of those in every family," he said conversationally. "Normally the youngest of the adults or even one of the kids. You got kids? You look pretty young, but you can never tell these days. Not that I mean any offence of course."

Jack smiled. "It's okay. Yeah, I've got a daughter. She's three."

"Mine are all grown," the man said, his voice slightly regretful. "Bet she's got you wrapped around her finger."

Jack chuckled, love filling his heart as he thought about Evy. "She's the love of my life," he said, almost to himself.

"They always are," the cabbie chuckled. "Always and forever."

- - - - - - -

The funeral was horrible. Jack felt like he was going to explode as he sat there. Even though he'd sworn off drugs when he'd found out about Evy, he longed for them as he stared at Evelyn's coffin. A line of cocaine, a joint, couple Vicoden, maybe some X, anything to take the edge off.

When he went up to say a few words, Jack was glad for the first time ever that Evy wasn't with him. His words fell over themselves, not making sense, even to him. When he looked out at the sympathetic faces, he felt like the drugged out little boy who Evelyn had brought home so many years ago. He didn't want Evy to see him fucked up. Perfection wasn't even enough for her in his eyes. He wanted to be a damn saint for his daughter and shaking and bawling in front of so many people wouldn't make him a martyr, only a fool.

Bobby saved the day, just like always. He came up and pushed Jack back towards his chair, taking control and finishing everything. He could tell Bobby, Bobby would understand about Evy, about why he was going to move so far away. He could explain . . .But when Bobby came back to his brothers, Jack's confidence was shattered. Death glowed malevolently in Bobby's eyes. Older brother wasn't in the mood to understand anything. With a sinking heart, Jack realized that it would be a very long time before he saw his baby again.

_Sorry Evy,_ he thought, looking down at the coffin that held her namesake. _Looks like Daddy's going to have to put off the story for a little longer._

- - - - - - - -

Green was a nice guy, he really was, but Jack had never felt more satisfied at seeing someone get the rough edge of Bobby's tongue. When Bobby had told Green and Fowler to basically keep the fuck out of the Mercers' way, Jack had almost laughed hysterically. Green had been expecting it, he wasn't an idiot, but it must have come as a real shock to Fowler.

Even that moment of brightest hadn't eased Jack's sadness, however. He seemed a little lighter after he said hello to his nieces, but that feeling had disappeared as he remembered another little three-year-old who had smiled so trustingly up at him, who had that infectious, bubbling laugh that made everything seem okay.

He'd almost laughed at how domesticated Jerry had become. No smoking in his house because of his girls, no drinking, no swearing, no fighting. Jack had to go have a smoke alone so that he could laugh at the fact that a kid with a _Roseanne_ family was living the _Cosby Show_ life.

The heaviness had only increased when he stepped into Evelyn's house. Her death suddenly seemed real to him then, the house echoed with her absence making a void where there had been only unconditional love before. Jack didn't believe in ghosts, but he swore that he could feel his mother with them. He wasn't sure if that ached worse than not having her at all.

That night as he sat in his own room, plucking his guitar mindlessly, Jack tried to figure out how to tell his brothers. Bobby would scoff and the fag jokes would come out even more often. Angel would probably tell him to forget the kid and run. Jerry, least helpful of all, would tell him to do the honourable thing and marry Grace.

"Shit," he muttered to himself. "I shoulda just let Mom tell everyone."

He heard the bathroom door open and groaned inwardly, knowing that Bobby would come and heckle him. Jack was almost satisfied when he saw the signs of tears in his older brother's eyes. It was good for Bobby to be reminded every so often that he was really only human, not some invincible god who no one could touch.

"You gonna cry to me, little fairy?" Bobby asked, dropping to the floor by Jack's bed.

Jack groaned to himself and put his guitar aside. "Leave it alone, man," he said quietly. He'd given in to temptation when they'd been at Jerry's and scored some weed from an old friend. Pulling the silver packet out of his bag, he started to roll a joint.

"You still makin' a lot of racket on that freakin' thing?" Bobby asked.

Jack chuckled. "Yeah, I'm still making a lot of racket." He grinned slightly at his brother, recognizing the reason Bobby was so edgy. "Too weird in Mom's room?" he asked.

"Man, way to weird," Bobby said, leaning his head back. "It's crazy; she didn't change nothing in this house."

Jerry came up and leaned against the door, smiling that wide smile that had always had the power to make Jack feel totally safe. Jerry had been smiling like that when they'd first met and he'd never stopped. Jack lit his joint as Jerry said, "Lookit y'all."

"What?" Bobby asked, somewhat aggressively.

"Nothin'. I'm just happy to see you. Happy to see my brothers, that's all."

"We're happy to see you too Jerry," Bobby said, looking away like he always did when something sentimental came out of his mouth.

"I thought I might go to the store, get a turkey. Have Thanksgiving dinner," Jerry said. "Mom would've liked that."

Jack looked away, feeling tears form in his eyes. _Mom woulda liked a lot of things,_ he thought forlornly.

"Where you think you're goin'?" Jerry said. Jack and Bobby looked over and saw Angel standing in the hallway.

"It's a little heavy in here," he said gruffly. "I'm jus' gonna go outside. Get some air."

Bobby laughed and Jack frowned at him. "You're fulla shit, man. You can smell that ass down the street," Bobby said to Angel.

"What d'ya mean?" Angel snapped.

"You know what I mean with La Vida Loca," Bobby said. Jack felt a smile forming as he understood. Angel's old girlfriend.

"Ain't nobody gonna go get La Vida nuthin'," Angel retorted.

"She got a boyfriend," Jerry said blithely.

"She got a boyfriend, she's got hard dick in her right now, she's screamin' someone else's name and that last thing she's thinkin' about is your black ass, leave it alone man," Bobby snapped playfully as Jack burst out laughing.

"I can't believe y'all comin' at me with this crazy junk, man," Angel said harshly. "I said I'm not going to see that girl and I'm _not_!"

_(A/N: Is it a little scary that I remembered all of that and I didn't even have to go watch the movie to make sure I got the dialogue right? I think I've memorized the whole of Four Brothers.)_

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Sure enough, the next morning La Vida Loca was in the Mercer house. Jack could not _wait_ to get back home to his quiet life with Evy and Grace.

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**So, here's the next chapter. I know how everyone hates it when I update quickly, so I promise to make you wait at least a week for the next chapter even though I already have it written.**

**Okay, for those of you who don't know (in case there are any of you) _Roseanne_ is a totally hysterical sitcom that actually captures a true family. It was from back in the 80s, but I love it anyway. Darlene is my idol. I have a shrine to her in my room. Okay, I don't really have a shrine, but it's not for lack of trying, LOL.**

**Please review cause I love you and I've got a tongue ring and an oral fixation and I'm not ashamed to use them o.O**


	3. HappySad

**Okay, so a reviewer threatened to track me down if I didn't update quickly, so here it is. My family isn't huge on the writing thing and I don't think they're quite prepared for rabid fans to track me down. I thought about posting it tomorrow, but I have a friend coming into town, so I might have forgotten.**

**BTW: I have decided that the best song to listen to during the last chapter of _The Second Chance_ is "You" by Evanescence. Swear to God, I cried my eyes out. If you really love those tear-jerkers, that's the perfect song. Why I'm telling you that, I have not the slightest clue, but I felt like sharing it with someone other than my siblings because I know that their intelligent replies would be, "Okay, whatever."**

**Oops, did I forget to do a disclaimer for the last chapter? I do believe I did. Guess I have to make up for it.**

**Disclaimer: Paramount Pictures is a money grubbing studio who doesn't give a damn about how people enjoy making little music videos and fanfics about their favorite characters because they can't make any money off of us . . . but I am a depressingly poor 19-year old who's only talent is writing and directing and who plans on forcing studios to sign contracts saying that everyone can use parts of my movies for whatever they want on YouTube or whatever so long as they aren't making money off them. Thus, I could not _possibly_ own _Four Brothers._**

**And yes, it is quite possible that a shrink and happy pills could do wonders for my rather twisted disposition.**

**Enjoy!

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Jack opened his door quietly, listening hard. Moans and grunts from Angel's room, loud snores from Bobby's, no one was going to bug him. Closing the door, he hurried across the room and crawled out onto the porch roof with his cell phone. As he sat on the place he'd cleared of snow, he let his mind wander back to the years he'd spent living in this house, sitting on this same place smoking, singing, or just thinking. He'd always felt more at peace up somewhere high. Evy was like that. There was nothing she loved more than the times he'd take her up to the roof of their apartment building and hold her while she stood on the low wall that surrounded the edge, her arms spread as if she might take flight at any minute.

"Like dragons!" she cried once, calling out loudly so that he could hear her over the wind the rushed against them, flinging their hair back from their faces.

Smiling at the thought of his daughter, Jack checked the time on his phone. Nearly 11:00 here, so it would be about 9:00 in LA. He would catch Evy right before bed. He pressed the speed dial button for home and listened as the phone started to ring.

He could imagine how it would be. Grace would be chasing Evy through the apartment, finally ending up in the bedroom and tossing the little girl onto the bed, tickling her to hysterics. The phone would ring in the hall and Grace would hurry out and-

"Hello Jack," Grace's voice said over the line.

"How can you always do that?" he asked, grinning despite himself.

He could imagine her shrugging as she said, "It's a knack."

He laughed quietly. "How's everything?" he asked.

Grace sighed. "We miss you Jack," she said dully. "Evy seems a little lost right now. She was just sitting on the couch all day, staring out the window, hugging that coloring book you got her."

Jack ran a hand over his face, sucking in his breath in worry. He hated not being there, hated having to leave them behind. "Want me to talk to her and see if it helps?" he asked, knowing how tired his voice sounded.

"In a minute." After a moment, Grace spoke, her voice soft and comforting. "How're you holding up, baby?"

"It's so hard, Gracie," he whispered. "I feel like she's still here and it just kills me." He flinched as he glanced over his shoulder into the room that Evelyn had left just as he had kept it. "I had to be high to keep from flipping out completely."

"Oh, Jackie," Grace said sympathetically. "Oh, Jack, I'm so sorry."

He fought back tears. "We were all supposed to be here at Christmas," he choked. "Mom and my brothers and Jerry's family and you guys. We were supposed to have all the time in the world." A sob ripped up his throat and before he knew it, Jack was crying into the phone while Grace whispered soothingly to him.

"Daddy?" Evy's quiet voice shocked him out of his tears.

"Evy," Grace said sternly. "What have I told you about picking up the phone when someone else is on it?"

"But Mommy," Evy said, her little voice worried. "Daddy's crying! He doesn't have a teddy and he's crying. I have to make sure he's going to be okay, Mommy."

Jack laughed quietly, love surging through him for the stubborn little girl. She had to be on the phone in the kitchen, though how she slipped past Grace was a mystery.

Grace sighed. "I think I've been overruled. I'll talk to you later, baby. Evy, I'll be in my room when you're ready for bed."

"'Kay Mommy," Evy said softly. There was a click and Jack knew that it was just him and Evy.

"Daddy, what's wrong?" she asked, her voice aching with the need to help.

"I'm just a little sad, honey," he said soothingly. "It's hard being back in Gramma's house after all these years."

"It's happy-sad though, right Daddy?" she said.

Jack frowned slightly. "Happy-sad?"

"That's what Mommy said it felt like when she would think about you before you came back."

Jack felt like he'd been shot in the heart. He couldn't believe how much he'd missed. Why hadn't he made sure that Grace wasn't pregnant? They hadn't used protection, he should have checked back. He shouldn't have missed his daughters first two years of life.

"Yeah baby," he said, forcing his voice to remain calm. "It's happy-sad."

Evy was quiet for a moment and Jack pictured her sitting on the kitchen table, her feet up on one of the chairs, cradling the big phone next to her tiny face. She'd probably be wearing the blue pajamas with the silver music notes that he'd gotten her. Evy's sandy hair would be tousled and her eyes would have the limitless understanding that always stole his breath away.

"I miss you Daddy," she said softly. "Everything feels wrong without you here."

"I know baby," Jack said softly. "I miss you too. Everything feels empty without you running around making a bloody ruckus."

She giggled, just like she always did when he used that particular phrase. "I'll be home soon, Evy, I promise."

She sighed and he could imagine her twirling a lock of her hair around a little finger, one hand clutching the phone a little tighter. "I guess it doesn't really matter when you get back," she said after a moment. "Just so long as you do come back."

Jack grinned. "Even one of your wild temper tantrums couldn't keep me away, kiddo."

There was a click and Jack knew Grace was back on the phone. "Time for bed, Evy-bunny," she said. "Your daddy is tired and we can't keep him up any later or he'll be too tired tomorrow."

"Okay," Evy said, her voice filling with sadness that cut Jack to the bone. "Night Daddy, love you."

"Night Evy-bunny," he said, barely able to keep tears out of his voice. "Love you."

There was a click and Grace sighed into the phone. "Go to sleep Jack," she said softly. "You're going to need it."

Jack rubbed his tired eyes. "You're right," he said. "I'll have a cigarette and go to bed."

"Good." Grace was quiet for a moment and when she spoke, her voice was hesitant. "Jack, I know that you aren't in love with me, that you never were," she said carefully. "But I really need to tell you that I don't mind that at all because my baby is happy. You love her so much, more than you could ever love me, but that's okay. I just- I just needed you to know that."  
Jack felt warmth spread through his body. He leaned back against the window and smiled slightly up at the stars. Thank God for this woman who was so wonderful that she'd never force him to marry her, to pretend that he loved her more than he really did. Grace always knew the right thing to say. He needed some worry lifted and she'd just lifted the brute of it.

"I do love you very much, Gracie," he said quietly. "I only wish that I was in love with you so that you wouldn't feel so let down."

Grace laughed, the sound sweet music to Jack's ears. "Baby, the only let down I would ever have from you is if you abandoned Evy. She's my life and I'd have to kill you if you hurt her."

Jack chuckled. "Babe, you'd have to get in line because I'd kill myself if I ever hurt her."

_Please God,_ he thought as he crawled back in the window a little while later. _Don't ever let me hurt Evy.

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**Aww, such a sweetie. I think Jack would have been a great dad; he was so cute with his nieces in the movie. Does anyone else think that I have a problem making sappy endings? I think it's a serious flaw, but I suppose it's really up to the readers. Lemme know.**

**Anyway, just wanted to give a bit of an intimate family moment. Next chapter should be up tomorrow sometime if I get the chance to finish it, but I'll have a friend here until Friday, so the writing shall be put on hold because horror movies and serious discussions on everything from poetry to zombies will be filling my time. Don't worry, I swear on a Stonehenge that I'll get you another chapter by Saturday. If for some reason I don't, please don't approach me with fire. Being a Pagan, I might get a little crazy, especially if there's a stake nearby.**

**Please review. I'm giving away invisible camels, be the first of your friends to own one and start a new trend! (Hey, if Paris Hilton can start a trend by stuffing her dog in a purse, I can start a trend with invisible camels. So, nah.)**


	4. Life with Brothers

**Here's the new chapter, sorry I didn't get it posted when I planned to. This weekend was a real bitch. Ugh, family. Sometimes you really wish you were an orphan after they tell you things.**

**Disclaimer: Fuck you. Everyone knows I don't own this stuff.**

**Enjoy! I made it longer just as an apology for not updating on time (((flogs self)))

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Beer. Vast and terrible quantities of beer. That's what it was going to take to keep Jack from committing a murder or two of his own while he was in Detroit. Maybe pot too, possibly cocaine. He missed Evy and the life that he had in LA. Shit here in Detroit was starting to make him wish that he'd taken a bullet years ago.

Aside from Bobby's constant fag jokes and Angel's constant fights and loud dickings with Sofi, there was the ever present reminder that Evelyn would no longer be there to help them.

Thanksgiving dinner had been hell. Cooking turkey and making the salad was normal, Jack had always helped Evelyn in the kitchen, but he'd never done it all alone. There were so many times that he almost asked Evelyn to hand him something or that he had reached out, expecting her to hand him some ingredient or plate. When the turkey was finished, Jack had said, "Mom, where's the platter?" before he realized that she wasn't there. He's stood there helplessly, a little boy looking for his Mommy as words from his favorite Mudvayne song swirled through his head.

_Still feel you on the inside_

_Biting through and stinging_

_Will I ever forget to remember?_

When they sat down and started to eat, Jack couldn't keep himself from looking at the chair his Mom had always sat in. Yet another gaping void had appeared in their lives, another pain they would never discuss. How Jack wished they could talk. Though he loved his brothers and trusted them with his life, he couldn't trust them with other things.

So many secrets had died with Evelyn. The truth of what all of her boys had been through. The fact that Jack had been used as a sextoy for his stepfather and his friends, that he had been forced to attend a Christian camp that beat and raped the boys all in the name of God . . . that Jack was the father of a beautiful 3 year old girl named for the very woman who was now missing. All of those things were too hard to explain, to tell the three people who sat around him, the ones he trusted and relied on more than anyone else. Talking had never really been something they did. They had been close, sharing advice and stories about girls, drugs, and the other shit they dealt with after they came to Evelyn, but nothing of before.

"The past don't exist anymore," Bobby had said once when Jack had asked about his real parents. Bobby had moved out, but he was visiting. Jack would have been about sixteen or so at the time. "Whatever the fuck happened before, it's over. No use thinking about the shit you can't change."

Jack didn't know about Bobby, but there were millions of things he wished he could change.

"Jackie."

Wow, he must have been drinking more than he thought. He had just heard Evelyn say his name and as he looked up, he saw her sitting at the table, looking just as she had when he first came to her so many years away. She held out her hands on the table, hands he hadn't been able to reach out for.

"I know bad things happened before you came to me," she said. Jack looked away as memories washed over him. "Hey look at me," she said sternly. He forced himself to look up, meet her eyes again as he had then. "You're safe now."

Jack fought back tears, his entire body quivering in silent agony, missing her more and more with every breath. God how he missed her. Evelyn had always been there for him, always willing to give a smile, a kiss, and perfect advice no matter what the problem was. What would her advice be now? How would she feel about her sons' anger, their fear? What would she say to Jack about leaving Evy?

"Fuck this man," Bobby said, getting to him feet. "Let's go get a pick up game. I wanna see some quick sticks and tight passes."

"S'to cold man," Angel said. "I didn't come all the way out here to play no hockey."

"C'mon ladies, let's show these guys some fucking skills," Bobby shouted, taking his plate to the kitchen.

Jack wiped his mouth and looked at Evelyn's chair again as his brothers grumbled and got to their feet. _Shit Mom,_ he thought. _This is all so hard. We can't even eat a meal without you._

- - - - - - -

Hockey turned out to be the best thing for the brothers. Nothing helped clear your head like a fast and brutal game. As always, the Mercers won. The other team grumbled ruefully about how they were almost dead and the brothers were still going strong. A 35-0 game put the guys in a good mood for what they were facing the next day.

Robert Bradford seemed like a nice enough guy. Quiet, polite, complimented Evelyn, but Jack was too wrung out to listen to him ramble on. Cutting right through the bullshit was his specialty and he'd be damned if he was going to waste anymore time in the fucking bank.

"How much do we get?" he asked. Bobby hauled back and smacked him hard in the back of the head while Mr. Bradford cleared his throat and decided to give up on pretending to be sincere.

"What's wrong with you?" Jerry demanded while Jack rubbed his very sore skull.

When Bradford left the room, Bobby opened their mother's safety deposit box and started shifting through the things in it. Jack wished they didn't have to do this, that someone, _anyone_ else could be sitting there running their fingers over the memories and mementos of such a wonderful life.

Bobby handed him a packet of papers, tossing one to Jeremiah as well. "Birth certificate," Jerry said.

"The adoption papers," Jack said quietly, scanning the first page.

"Henry Ford Hospital, so I am from Detroit," Jerry said, smiling slightly.

"Lansing, Michigan," Jack said, a small grin tugging at his face for no reason.

"My mom was sixteen?" Jerry said incredulously.

"I got any papers in there?" Angel asked. Bobby shook his head. "You got any papers in there?"

"No," Bobby said quietly.

"Woah!" Jack said, grabbing a ticket from Bobby, desperate to change the subject from the two files that were obviously missing. "Mom went to Woodstock." _Three day pass, damn Mom._

Bobby chuckled. "You didn't know Mom was a hippie?" he said. "Oh here we go." His voice lit up and Jack looked over at the wad of cash he'd just pulled out of the box. Counting out the bills, Bobby handed some to Angel.

"I ain't got no papers in there, man?" Angel asked almost desperately.

"There's your paper right there," Bobby retorted, handing a few bills to Jerry before folding the last of them and slipping them into his own pocket.

"What about me?" Jack demanded, holding out his hand.

"Hm-um," Bobby said. He reached into the box and dropped a diamond necklace into Jack's palm. "There you go, that'll look good on you."

"Whatever man," Jack snapped as Jerry and Angel started to laugh. "Fuck you."

"Quit cryin'," Jerry said. "I got something to show y'all."

- - - - - - - -

Jerry drove them to a rundown part of town. _Not that there's any part of Detroit that isn't rundown,_ Jack thought with a snicker. This place was the old factory district though. A graveyard of gutted, useless buildings that had once turned out all the cars in America.

"This is it," Jerry said, spreading his arms as the four of them entered the biggest shell in the lot.

"So this is your dream Jerry?" Jack said. "You gonna build some automobiles?"

"No, luxury lofts," Jerry said, his eyes and voice bright and excited. "This whole first floor here is going to be lavish offices and storefronts. Gonna put stained glass in here," he said, gesturing to the wall of grimy glass to the wall.

When they got upstairs, the beers he'd had caught up with Jack. While his brothers were occupied, he stepped over to a corner to take a piss.

"You got insurance?" Bobby asked Jerry.

"Why?" Jerry asked.

"We could burn this bitch down."

"No, we ain't burning shit, Bobby," Jerry snapped. "Always wanting to destroy something."

"Look at your little brother," Bobby said suddenly.

"Jack!" Jerry shouted, exasperation in his voice.

"Oh I'm sorry," Jack said sarcastically. "This the master sweet? Am I making your property values go down?"

They all laughed. "This shithole gives Motor City Breakdown a whole new meaning," Bobby joked. "How you gonna pay for all this?"

"Government redevelopment loans," Jerry said. "Easy to qualify, low interest rates. Stick around, maybe I'll give y'all asses a job."

Jack gave Jerry a "yeah-right" look and finished his beer. Angel laughed suddenly, and the other three turned to look at him.

"They look like nipples," Angel laughed, pointing to a rack of old lights.

Dead silence greeted this before the other three looked away. _Always thinking with your cock Angel,_ Jack thought. _Mom would be _so_ proud._ Jesus, even the voice in his head was sarcastic.

"Let's go get a real drink," Bobby said, gulping the last of his beer and tossing the bottle away.

- - - - - - - - -

Jack was drunk. Sloshed, blitzed, smashed. Any and all of the above. That was probably the only reason he didn't agree with Jerry about letting the cops handle the murderers.

Deep down, Jack had no lust for violence or revenge. Somehow he'd escaped his youth with some semblance of innocence and bloodshed wigged him more than he ever wanted his brothers to know. When he was this drunk, someone could suggest cutting off his dick and he might agree . . . hell, he might even do it himself.

And now he was standing in front of a gang hangout, willingly about to go inside with only his two brothers. Stupid, but strangely logical to his drunk ass.

"You got a burner?" Bobby asked Angel as he opened the trunk.

"I flew in," Angel said, _duh_ written all over his face.

"Man, be careful with my baby," Bobby said, pulling a gun out from under a blanket.

"Woo," Angel said, looking the pistol over. "Ammo?"

"Yeah, it's loaded little brother, careful," Bobby said. He reached into the trunk again. "You carry the gas can," he told Jack, shoving one into his hands.

"We're gonna do that gas thing?" Jack asked, almost laughing as he thought about all the times they'd done it in the past.

"Yeah, we're gonna do that gas thing," Bobby mocked in a nasal voice. "Only thing that scares people more than being burnt to death is being eaten alive," he added as he pulled out a shotgun and started to close the trunk.

"Woah, what do I get?" Jack said, shoving the can under the trunk lid so it couldn't close.

"Oh, you coming with us?" Bobby said sweetly. "There you go sweetheart," he said, shoving a tire iron into Jack's free hand. "Poke 'em with that."

"Thanks," Jack said sarcastically.

Bobby and Angel blew into the building waving guns and screaming, "Five-oh!" Kids scattered, running to every exit there was. When they reached the end of the main hall and found one guy standing alone, Jack knew they'd found the guy in charge. Angel shoved everyone down on the couches and sprayed gas on them while Bobby shoved the leader into a chair and started the process. Shoving a rag into the guy's mouth, he dumped gas on him.

"I know you're not gonna tell me what I wanna know, so I'm gonna light your little bitch ass on fire," Bobby said, grabbing Jack's cigarette and holding it in the guy's face. "Then I'm gonna watch you run around here lighting all your little friends on fire." The guy screamed through the rag. "Hey, tough guy, hey!" Bobby shouted. "Now's the talking part. You better start telling me what the fuck I wanna hear." He pulled the rag out of the gangsta's mouth. "Speak."

"That shit was counterfeit as a motherfucker, man," the guy said. "Ain't no one playing no basketball when that shit went down. Why you think the police ain't arrest nobody?"

Bobby smacked him hard. "How you know no one was playing basketball if you weren't there?"

"Cause, bitch," the guy hollered. "Police said those people wasn't shot til eleven o'clock."

"So what?" Bobby demanded.

"They turn the court lights out at ten," the guy snapped.

Bobby looked at his watch and grabbed the kid from the chair. "Let's go."

"Where the fuck y'all taken me," he demanded. No one answered, but Angel hauled back and hit the guy hard in the head.

"That's what you get for callin' my brother a bitch," he growled.

Jack fought the mad desire to laugh. "I hope you all have a very nice evening," he called, twirling the tire iron in his hand. God being drunk was great.

- - - - - - - - -

Jack could tell that Bobby was getting anxious. He'd watched his big brother during enough jobs to be able to see the warning signs. Sure enough, Bobby jumped into action.

"Ten-oh-two and these fuckin' lights are still on," Bobby snapped. "I say we pop this motherfucker right now."

"Bobby, take it easy," Jack said, knowing his part well. This good-fucker, bad-fucker game was one he'd played with all his brothers at one time or another.

"Shut up, Jack," Bobby snarled, walking over and grabbing the gangsta's arm.

"Yo, they're gonna shut off man," the guy screamed. "They gonna shut off!"

"The only lights going off are yours," Bobby snapped.

A loud lick echoed in the street and Bobby looked around. "Look, look," the gangsta said, almost sobbing in relief.

"You're fuckin' lucky," Bobby said, walking toward the darkened courts.

"Y'all don't know who you was messin' with," the kid shouted. "Y'all fools been played, now get off me, man."

Jack rolled his eyes. This shit got old real fast.

"Didn't know who you was messin' with," the guy continued. "Questioning me about the lights being off and shit."

Angel belted him hard in the jaw. "Why don't you shut the fuck up," he snarled. "Talk too much."

_So diplomatic,_ Jack thought, sarcasm filling his brain again. He was tired; he was feeling the effects of too much alcohol and nicotine on an empty stomach. Right now, Jack just wanted this shit over so he could go home to his kid.

- - - - - - - -

"Jackie, this is a questionable kill," Bobby said as they walked back into the house later.

Groaning inside, Jack said, "What makes you think that?"

"Gee, it's sad, you growin' up without a father," Bobby said, his voice sweetly mocking his brother. "I shoulda stayed around longer and held your little hand.

_God, when is he going to stop with this shit?_ Jack wondered. "Whatever man."

"Look, sometimes pros cover up their hits with another crime, a robbery or something," Bobby explained as they walked toward the kitchen. "Then they pay a witness to throw the cops on the wrong suspects."

Great theory, but not probable. "Who would wanna kill the sweetest woman in the goddamn world?" Jack asked.

Shaking his head, Bobby said, "I dunno Jackie."

- - - - - - - - -

Jack sat on the porch roof again, smoking a cigarette. It was late at home, way too late to call Evy. Almost one in the morning here, it was almost eleven in LA. Oh well, Grace made better conversation than all his brothers combined.

"Hello Jack," Grace said after one ring.

"Hey, baby," Jack replied. "How's everything."

Grace sighed into the phone. "Okay I guess," she said quietly. "Evy misses you. Every day she prays that you'll be here when she gets home. I miss you too, hottie," she added, quietly. Jack laughed. "How's everything there?" Grace asked.

Jack groaned. "These people are crazy," he moaned. "Ever have those days where you really wonder about your family? Like, where you wonder if maybe they've been exposed to some kind of monster radiation and you're the only one who didn't get caught in it?"

Grace laughed. "Babe, sometimes you just kill me," she chuckled.

Jack felt a strange chill suddenly. For a moment he felt doomed, as if he was being warned that there wasn't a lot of time left. Recovering quickly, he focused on Grace who was telling him all about what Evy had been doing and how she'd been doing at work.

When she finally finished, Jack felt much more relaxed. "I miss you guys," he said quietly. "I'm really tired though, Gracie. All my love to you and Evy. Give her a hug and a kiss for me."

"I will Jack," Grace said. After a moment, she added, "You're not a killer, Jack. Don't let Bobby make you into one."

Jack sighed. "I wish I had a choice babe. I really wish I had a fucking choice."

As he lay in bed that night, Jack wondered about his daughter. Evy was perfect in his opinion. Smart, beautiful, talented. What would she think of her beloved father doing the things that Bobby made him do? Would love be so guaranteed and unconditional if Evy's green eyes had to see the blood on his hands?

_Jesus_, Jack thought, burying his face in a pillow. No one's died yet, maybe no one will. _Take this one day, one fucked up step, at a time._

He fell asleep thinking about his daughter. Little did he know that across the U.S., a little girl with his green eyes smiled and settled into her bed. A small smile lightened her face and she fell asleep, glad that at last her daddy was asleep.

* * *

**Yes, so please review. I'll love you forever, I swear.**

**New chapter coming soon I hope.**


	5. Pleasurable Weakness

**Sorry I took so long to update, I've been busy writing something else. Kudos to me, I'm two chapters away from finishing my first novel. Thank Satan, lol. I was starting to wonder if it was possible for me to finish something completely. Now if I can only get it published, I'll have it made.**

**Pollypocket911- the movie is _Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood_. So sad, but so great. Loved that flick. And it's true that if family didn't suck we wouldn't have anything to write about . . . but that doesn't stop me from wishing for one even marginally more normal than my own :)**

**Anyway, thanks for the reviews. I wish I'd gotten more though (((pouts)))**

**Oh, and I forgot to put in the last chapter that the song was "Forget to Remember" by Mudvayne, just in case anyone cares, lol.**

**Disclaimer: give it up. These characters don't now, nor did they ever, belong to me.**

**Yet another long chapter. Enjoy!

* * *

**

Jesus it was cold here. LA was so warm that Jack felt like he was turning to ice in the freezing Detroit winter. Cold had never bothered him, but now he had to hug himself to keep from shivering.

After what seemed like hours, Jerry finally pulled up in front of the little store. His face was wary as he walked over to stand in front of his brothers.

"Alright I'm here," he said rather aggressively.

"Last night we find out it wasn't random," Angel said. "The witness was paid and the whole gang story was bullshit."

"You serious man? Come on!" Jerry said.

Before any of them could reply, Jack turned around and walked toward the store as a short old man walked up.

"Can I help you gentlemen?" the man asked, his voice shaking slightly in fear. Jack almost laughed. They must look pretty intimidating, four tall, strong men waiting around in front of a store so early in the morning. _We probably look like total thugs,_ Jack thought.

"Yes, if we could just have a moment of your time," Jack said politely. "Evelyn Mercer was our mother."

The man's face softened and filled with sympathy. "She was a good lady," he said. "I liked her very much."

Normally Jack was cynical about people, but this man was totally sincere. _God Mom, how did you touch people like this?_ Jack wondered.

"Let's come inside," the man said, turning to unlock the door.

"What can I do to help?" the man asked.

"Do you still have a copy of the security tape for that night?" Bobby asked.

"Yes," the guy replied. "Let me get it from the office."

"Thanks."

The man came back out and pulled a TV from the corner behind the counter. Placing it where all of the guys could see it, he popped a tape into the VCR and started the video.

Jack felt like he might die as he watched his mother walked into the store on the little screen. She was saying something to a little boy, telling him off from the looks of it. After the kid left, she said something to the clerk, joking probably judging from the smile on the guy's face. As she walked back toward the coolers in the store, Jack's heart caught. This was all so normal, so comfortable. Every move she made was so familiar that Jack had to fight back tears. As she called something over her shoulder to the clerk, the front door slammed open and two guys came in.

_I don't want to see this,_ Jack thought desperately, feeling the beer and cigarettes he'd had earlier rise in his throat. _I can't watch this._

The men were walking to the back of the store where Evelyn cowered against a shelf. She stood up, proud and unafraid again, as they reached her. She was saying something, probably trying to reason with the men who now had guns pointed at her.

_Run Mom!_ Jack yelled in his head. _Run away!_ He knew it was stupid, she wouldn't have made it far anyway, but he couldn't help it. He wished again that he could turn away, but his brothers were going to watch this, so would he.

When the first gun blast lit the screen, Jack's resolve broke and he turned away, gasping in pain as he lost his mother all over again. He started pacing, not even hearing Bobby talking to the man behind the counter.

_Mom,_ he thought, her name in his head holding all the pain he felt. _Mommy why weren't we here?_ Jack felt like he was a kid again, that scrawny, terrified twelve-year-old who Evelyn had brought home and adopted even though he was so hopped up on drugs and so deep in depression that he could barely function. How come she could save them but none of her boys had been there to save her?

"Let's go," Jerry said quietly, his hands on Jack's shoulders. Jack nodded and followed blindly, but as they left the store, anger rushed into his blood. It was snowing, the wind was blowing and the sun had risen, but Evelyn wasn't there to see it. Someone had taken her away. He'd seen death in Bobby's eyes many times, but he knew that right now that same mortal promise would be in his as well.

"They set Mom up. They set her up," Bobby fumed suddenly as he led them across the street toward the high school. They all broke into a run, tearing across the street and up the walkway to the gym.

Reason set in as Jack followed his brothers into the bright gymnasium. It was packed as everyone gathered to watch the basketball game that would keep them in out of the ugly weather outside.

"What's the plan Bobby?" Jerry asked, eyeing the crowd nervously. Jerry had always been a little uncomfortable in crowds. Jack could definitely understand that feeling.

"We're winging it Jerry," Bobby replied.

"Man, we always wing it," Jerry whined.

"We're gonna get killed," Jack said, his voice blithely amused.

"Whatcha mean 'we', white boy?" Angel retorted. Jack rolled his eyes and looked around the gym. Nothing but black faces looking back. He'd spent most of his life with black people and he didn't give a shit about people's skin color, but right now he really wished a few more white people were in the crowd so he wouldn't feel so alone.

"You ready?" Bobby asked Angel. He nodded and headed off across the gym while Bobby walked into the center of the court.

"Here we go," Jack said resignedly while Jerry looked after his brothers in exasperation.

A buzzer sounded loudly as Bobby walked into the game. The ref said something, but Bobby just grabbed the ball from the man's arms and started taunting the players. A big black guy walked over, clearing deciding that the rather short guy in front of him was easy prey. Bobby smashed the guy's nose with the ball and Jerry hurried out on the court. Jack had been expecting something like this, so he wasn't even surprised. Shit like this always happened. To say that Bobby never thought before he acted was a serious fucking understatement. Ah, and there it was: Bobby had finally pulled out his gun.

"Whoa, whoa, no need to grab me," he shouted. "This'll only take a second. My name's Bobby Mercer, some of you probably knew my mother and some of you probably know she was shot about a week ago across the street. Sixty-two years old, murdered in cold blood. I'm looking for the witness."

People were screaming at Bobby to get off the court, not giving a damn who was dead, just wanting to finish the game. Jack ignored them, watching the crowd for anyone who looked worried or who was trying to make a break for it.

"Big guy. Supposedly never wears a coat," Bobby was shouting. "Dog-lover. Ring any bells? Tell me where I can find him and you can finish your game."

There, Jack saw a kid in a blue and red jacket get up and start across the bleachers. Hurrying out into the hall, Jack circled around and told Angel where he could go to block the kid. They'd all spent enough time at this school to know exactly how to trap someone. After it was set, Jack went back into the gym just in time to see the kid slip out one of the doors.

He flung open the door. "Kid, hey kid!" he yelled. Of course, the little shit took off. "No running in the halls!" Jack shouted, running after him, cursing the fact that he smoked way more than he exercised and this fucking kid didn't seem to care.

Just as they planned, the kid smashed into the door Angel was leaning against and fell back against Jack's chest. Jack grabbed him, pinning the guy's arms back.

"Let me go, I don't know nothin'!" the kid yelled.

"Then why you running?" Jack countered.

"Get off me man, I don't know nothin'!" he yelled.

"Why don't you shut up?" Jack snapped, jerking the kid's arms as Angel walked into the hall.

"Got something to tell me, youngsta?" Angel asked, his voice low and deadly. The kid didn't say anything. "Get Bobby, I'll watch him," Angel told Jack.

Hurrying back into the gym, Jack signalled to Jerry before turning around. After Bobby yelled something at the crowd, the two of them followed their little brother out into the hall.

- - - - -

Waiting was easily the most boring part of Jack's life. He always got this twitchy feeling in his stomach when he was waiting for something. For the emcee to introduce his band, Evy's doctor appointments, Gracie to come home late at night after her shift was over at the club where she worked, someone to puck up the phone when he had something important to say, whatever the wait, his reaction was the same.

And now they were waiting for some guy to show up so they could ask him about a murder, oh joy and rapture. Bobby might have the utmost confidence in his ability to get information, but Jack knew better. This would come to guns and threats sooner or later. All he could hope for was that Bobby wouldn't fuck it up too bad.

Ignoring Bobby and Angel who were joking back and forth in the front seat, Jack starting messing around with the fog on the windows, singing quietly to himself. "I don't care if it rains or freezes, so long as I've got my plastic Jesus," he sang, running his knuckles through the white fug on the window. "Comes in colors bright and pleasant-" He sat up straighter as a tall black guy walked up to the door of the building they were staking out. "That's him," he said quietly. "That's him!" he cried, getting his brother's attention at last.

In what seemed like a second, they were out of the car and running across the snow after the man. They threw the door open and Bobby took the lead.

"Yo Damian!" The guy looked around and Bobby whipped out his gun. "You Damian?"

_Shit,_ Jack thought as the guy did exactly what any black guy staring down three armed white guys would do: run.

"Why you pullin' out guns and shit?" Angel yelled as they ran to the elevator Damian had just disappeared into.

"Damnit!" Bobby cursed, kicking the closed elevator door. "Jack, stay here. Tell me when it stops." He and Angel ran into the stairwell, leaving Jack to wait for the light to stop.

Finally it did. Sixth floor. Running to the staircase, Jack pulled open the door. "Six!" he yelled. "He stopped at six!"

Taking a deep breath and thinking about the fact that it was barely ten and he'd already smoked most of a pack, Jack started up the stairs. Bobby could go to hell if he thought Jack was going to run after them. His empty stomach churned as he thought about the violence his brothers were capable of. If this Damian guy didn't cooperate, Bobby and Angel wouldn't hesitate to use force.

_"You're not a killer, Jack. Don't let Bobby make you into one."_ Jack shivered as Gracie's voice echoed in his mind. He wasn't a killer. He hated violence. As much as he wanted revenge on the people who had killed Evelyn, he didn't want it like Angel and Bobby did. He went along with them because he knew he had no choice, but deep inside he wanted to cry at the thought of his mother's face if she could see what her boys were doing.

Gunshots rang out and Jack ducked instinctively. He could hear yelling and more gunshots, then one load scream. He was frozen, his eyes stared blankly ahead, his muscles twitching with tension, his whole body rigid. The hand that held Bobby's tire iron was like a stone claw around the rough, thick metal. Like so many other times, the sounds brought old memories back to Jack, ghosts of a past he could never really get passed or forget. _"My, my, aren't you a pretty one," _the voice said in his head and a young boy's agonizing scream echoed through Jack's frozen mind as pain seared through his body at the memory.

"Jack, JACK!" Bobby was yelling at him, shaking his shoulder. "Jack, c'mon. We got 'im."

Rousing himself, Jack forced his body to move, to hurry down the stairs after Angel and Bobby, but as they slammed through the stairwell door into the main foyer, Jack could still hear a ten-year-old scream in his ears.

- - - - - -

Sick, that's what this was. Fucking sick. Damian was lying in the snow, a bone sticking out of his leg, calling frantically for help while Bobby and Angel joked about whether or not he'd break and tell them everything. Jack couldn't tear his eyes away. Evelyn had raised him to be better than this. He wanted to run back and help the guy, call an ambulance, apologize for what had happened.

"What're you lookin' at, Dick-lips?" Angel demanded.

Bobby whirled around. "What's wrong with you?" he snapped as Damian screamed his defeat in the background. "Let's go," Bobby said, his voice heavy with disgust.

"What's wrong with you?" Angel growled as they walked back to the guy on the snow. Jack shrugged and looked away, not daring to reply to either of them because he was afraid he'd barf all over them if he did.

"Well?" Bobby said coldly.

Damian gasped in pain and Jack felt a small tug of admiration. If _his_ leg looked like that, he wouldn't be able to say a freaking word cause he'd be out cold. "These two fools paid me a couple of dubs to say I saw some gangstas shoot up the place," Damian managed to say. "But I didn't shoot no one."

"Where can we find 'em?" Bobby asked.

"C'mon man," Damian gasped weakly. "They'll kill me."

"Alright, turn into a fuckin' fudgecicle then," Angel growled and he and Bobby started away.

"Okay, okay!" Damian snapped crazily. "I'll tell you where you can find 'em!"

Jack didn't give a shit where they were, all he wanted to do was go home, throw-up, drink heavily, smoke another pack, and pass the fuck out.

- - - - - -

The Casino Restaurant was tacky, smoky, packed, and loud. The neon decorations made Jack's eyes burn, but he ignored them and looked for the guy with the goatee. He wanted to get this over with, get this whole fucked up day behind them. He finally saw two guys sitting at the bar in the center of the room. One of them had a goatee with a little bead on the end that caught the light and shined slightly.

"There he is," Jack said, nudging Bobby.

"Where?" Bobby snapped aggressively.

"Right there, the guy with the goatee!" Jack said louder, pointing angrily as his temper finally broke.

"I can see him, put your fucking hand down," Bobby growled, smacking Jack's forearm. But the damage was already done. They ducked as the two guys turned guns on them. The restaurant sign exploded behind them, but Jack and his brothers got angry instead of scared. Jumping to their feet, they tore across the place, knocking into people without caring. A group of over-weight middle aged guys held them up for a bit, but they finally managed to get the fattest one out of their way.

"Go ahead you fuckin' punks!" the guy yelled after them.

Flying out the back door, Jack fired the shotgun Bobby had thrown to him. Over and over he fired at the green El Camino, but he missed.

"Yeah, Jackie-o!" Bobby called mockingly. "You go girl! Let's get 'em!"

They threw themselves into Bobby's car and took off after the car as the blizzard around them got worse. They slid all over the street, but the bad weather had kept the killers from getting too much of a lead.

"Punch it, Bobby, punch it!" Angel roared.

"I got no traction," Bobby yelled back. "I'm sliding all over the fucking street."

As they took a corner at 90, Bobby's car slid across the road and smashed into some parked cars. They scraped along them, swearing all the while, until Bobby could get it back on the road.

"Scraped the whole side of my fucking car!" Bobby shouted.

"You gonna get these guys before you kill us?" Jack yelled, panic rising like bile in his throat.

"Sit back and put your seatbelt on Jack," Bobby snapped.

Fuming, Jack sat back. His life flashed before his fucking eyes and Bobby was worried about his goddamn car. Bullshit, fucking bullshit. _I wanna go home,_ Jack thought as the chase continued. _I wanna go home right now._

They chased the men through the slippery streets, sliding crazily over the road. Jack said a silent prayer of thanks that no one else was stupid enough to be out on the roads right now. Bullets flew through the windshield and Jack barely ducked in time.

_Please Jesus,_ he prayed, gritting his teeth against the fear that threatened to drown him. _Don't let me die. Don't make me leave Evy again._ Again he felt the sense of oppressive doom in his heart, like something was coming that would change the world forever.

Shaking it off, he sat up. "Where the hell's that shotgun, Jack?" Bobby yelled.

"There's no shells!" Jack yelled back.

"They're in the trunk!" Bobby snapped.

"Well, how the fuck-" Jack started.

"Sit down and shut up!" Bobby screamed. "Angel, stick that cannon out the window and bust some shots!"

"I'm gonna put on in the back of they heads!" Angel shouted back.

Jack resisted the urge to cover his ears as gunshots rang out and squeezed his eyes shut. He wanted this to be over, just to be over now so he could go back to a life without violence.

"You get 'em!" Bobby screamed excitedly. Jack looked up, sure enough, the car was swerving even worse. Angel had it the driver.

The other car smashed into a snow bank and Jack heard the engine rev as Bobby slammed into the other car without touching the brake. In spite of himself, Jack gave a whoop of excitement. It was close to over, these guys might be dead, maybe it would be over!

No such luck. The crash had shoved the other car free and it took off again. Bobby tried to follow as Angel started shooting again. The car was laboring now, Jack was sure the front fender was bent pretty bad. They kept going. Jack's momentary happiness seeped away quickly.

"Just stop, Bobby," he said suddenly. "Bobby let's just stop the car. Now!"

"Shut up Jack!" Bobby yelled at him.

The front tire exploded and the car jerked to the side so quickly that Angel almost fell out the window. Jack and Bobby both grabbed for him and pulled him back into the car.

"Damnit, Bobby! Stop the fucking car!" Jack shouted. Bobby ignored him.

Jack braced himself as Bobby floored it. The car in front of them was getting closer and closer. Bobby hit the El Camino hard and sent it swirling across the ice.

"You got your seatbelt on Jackie?" Bobby asked, his face set in almost feral glee. "Watch this."

Bobby slammed into the swirling car again. This time he finally did what Jack knew he'd been trying for since the chase started.

The green car flew up into the air and hit the ground, bouncing along, rolling over until finally it landed upside down and slid across the snow covered blacktop. Jack was caught up in the moment again as he watched his mother's murderers fly through the air. Let them die, let them be crushed to death by tons of unyielding metal. Let them not live to see morning. Who gave a damn that Mom would be horrified that her boys had done this?

Bobby brought the car to a stop and the three of them got out, running toward the overturned car almost invisible in the thickening snow. "Wait here, Jack," Bobby said.

Jack stopped and it only took a few minutes for him to be glad of it. He could hear Bobby and Angel yelling at the two men. They yelled back and then the grunts of pain started. Jack went rigid again as memories rushed over him.

_The room was dark, the air cold on his naked skin. He could taste tears and sweat and dirt on the pillowcase under his face. Pain rushed through his body as the man on top of him grunted. "Let me die," Jack had breathed into the pillow. "Please God, just let me die."_

Two gunshots rang out and Jack turned his head, blocking a blow that wasn't physical, but mental. His brothers appeared out of the blinding snow, looking calm and relaxed as if they'd just been out for a walk.

"Let's go!" Bobby said, jerking Jack's arm.

"Are they dead?" Jack asked, stumbling as he turned to follow his brothers.

"Yeah, they killed Mom, but we got 'em," Angel said, his voice filled with a bitter sort of joy.

- - - - - -

When a cab dropped them off at home, Jack got out and stood on the front lawn in the grey darkness. He'd managed to keep his cool as they waited for the mechanic to tell them how much it would cost to fix Bobby's care, through the laughing and joking between Bobby and Angel, through the cab ride where the cabbie had joined in with his brothers, making cracks about how dirty the cops were and how it took real men to stand up and fight the good fight. Frankly, he was sick and fucking tired of keeping his cool. As the cab turned the corner, Jack dropped to his knees and was violently sick on the front lawn.

Bobby squatted next to him, pushing hair of Jack's forehead, while Angel clutched his shoulder and whispered soothingly. When he was finished, Jack rocked back onto his ass, not giving a damn about the cold snow. _Guess I was sick of keeping my food too,_ he thought sarcastically.

"You okay, Jackie?" Bobby asked.

Jack shrugged.

"Smoke too much and don't eat enough," Angel said gruffly. "And you always on that damn cell phone after we all gone to bed."

Jack laughed. Suddenly the whole night seemed way too funny. Every single thing they'd done looked horribly comedic to him and he couldn't control himself. God, what he wouldn't give to get good and shit-faced right now. He'd take any drug that was shoved his way. Fuck Gracie, fuck Evy, fuck Evelyn, fuck his brothers, fuck revenge, he didn't want to think anymore. He wanted to be out of it and never come back.

"Let's get this fairy inside," Bobby said.

Bobby and Angel grabbed Jack's arms and pulled him up into the house. Sofi was standing on the stairs.

"You get him drunk?" she snapped. "You're out all night with no phone call and you bring your little brother home drunk? Angel, you stupid f-"

"Shut up and go to bed, Sofi," Angel growled. "I ain't in the mood for this shit tonight."

Sofi looked pissed, but as Jack started to laugh again, she turned and went up to Angel's room and slammed the door. After his brothers had dumped him into bed, Jack was finally able to control himself again. Well, at least he managed to stop laughing at any rate.

Jack tip-toed to the door and listened. He could hear the hockey game coming from Bobby's room and the sound of fighting from Angel's. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. Way too late to call home, it was almost two in the morning here. Grace might still be up, but Evy would definitely be asleep. He didn't want to talk to either of them tonight, not in the mood he was in. Tonight he was the Jack Mercer he never wanted Evy to see. Tonight, he was the weak little wannabe rocker with too many vices and not enough brains.

Going back to his bed, Jack dug his bag out from under it. Rifling around, he found the hidden pocket he'd put into the side. He pulled a bag of Vicoden and a shiny razor blade out and gazed at them in his hand. He'd tried to stop this shit years ago, but sometimes things were just too hard. He hadn't popped pills or cut since he met Evy, but now he knew he wouldn't be able to stop himself.

Half and hour later, Jack lay on his back. Four Vicoden, twelve cuts on each arm, and God only knew how many cigarettes had succeeded in making him feel totally out of it. The world was getting blurry around him and he knew that he was dangerously close to overdoing it. It would take a few days for him to totally get over this binge.

Suddenly he felt his Mom in the room. Part of him rebelled against the idea, saying that his mind was playing tricks, but the other part of him was still the scared little boy who longed for his Mommy and believed that she could be here. He could almost hear her.

_Oh Jackie, what are you doing to yourself?_

"I'm sorry Mom," he whispered. "I couldn't help it."

_You aren't this weak, honey. Evy made you strong. Think about your little girl, would you want her to see you like this?_

Jack cringed. "No," he whispered. "I never want her to see me like this."

_Then why are you doing this?_

Jack felt tears building in his eyes as drug-induced sleep started to overcome him. "Because tonight, weakness feels good," he whispered. And everything disappeared.

* * *

**Yes, so I always saw Jack as a really tortured character. I know I changed things around a bit in this chapter, dialogue and such, but I was just writing things that I might have changed a bit in I'd been the director.**

**Anyway, hope you enjoyed this. Please review.**


	6. Hate, Anger, Home

**I'm sooooo sorry that this took so long. I just started a new job and (((fanfare))) I FINISHED MY FIRST BOOK!!!!!! I SHOULD BE READY TO SEND IT TO SOME PUBLISHERS IN THE NEW WEEK OR SO!!!!!!**

**Thanks for all the reviews. 4everdreaming- it would be lovely if I could make Jack live or even tell his brothers about Evy, but then it wouldn't be the prequel to my other fic _The Second Chance_, it would just be another story about Jack with a kid. Glad you like the story though!**

**Iris Knotwise- you do know that I love getting reviews from you, right? You send some of the funniest comments sometimes. But I totally agree with you, my knees go weak at Jackie too.**

**Pollypocket- Thanks for yet another review and the congrats on my book.**

**And to Smiju and JainaZekk- you guys rock!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own _Four Brothers._ Do any of you?**

**Enjoy!

* * *

**

Jack groaned as he sat up. Little men were banging away at his skull, but he knew he deserved to be in pain. After all the stupid shit he'd done last night, Jack felt like he was getting off easy. Grabbing his cell of the headboard, he dialled home.

"Hi Daddy!" Evy's voice was happy as she picked up halfway through the first ring. He almost laughed as his creative mind set lyrics to her. "Voices of sunshine and sparkle/Screaming through smoky haze/To ravage away all peace." Jesus he was losing it.

"Hey baby, how are you?" he said, surprised to hear how happy and easy his voice sounded.

"I miss you," she said frankly. "I drawed the prettiest horse ever and I wanted to show you and I didn't 'member you weren't here til I got home."

"I'm sorry, Evy-bunny," he said, regret softening his voice. "I'll be home soon though and then I'll get to see it."

"How soon?" she asked quickly. "Tomorrow?"

Jack closed his eyes, wishing now that he hadn't called. "Not tomorrow, honey," he said. "Just a little while longer."

Evy sniffed. Jack realized that his baby girl was crying. "Aw sweetie," he said quietly, wishing that he was there to hold her. _You fucking idiot,_ he thought. _If you were there like you damned well oughta be, she wouldn't be crying._ "Evy, don't cry."

"I can't help it!" she said softly, tears heavy in her voice. "I want you home! I miss your music and your hugs and Mommy doesn't tell bedtime stories as good and she doesn't sing to me like you did. I want you to come home now!"

"Baby, I wish I could!" Jack said desperately, almost afraid at the big pain in her little voice. "But I have to help Uncle Bobby and Uncle Angel. They need me right now and I-"

"I don't care!" Evy screamed suddenly, her voice so loud that Jack jumped and dropped the phone, swearing as his ear started to ache. "Don't care, don't care, don't care!" she howled, her voice loud enough that he could hear it even though his phone was on the floor. "I hate Uncle Bobby and Uncle Angel! I hate you too!"

He snatched the phone off the floor. "Evy!" he yelled into it. "Evy!" Nothing but a soft thump answered him. He was about to hang up when the thumping stopped and Grace's voice came over the line. But if he was expecting Grace to be quiet and sympathetic like always, he was sorely mistaken.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" she snapped, not even letting him say anything. "Why're you calling and hurting her?"

"I didn't mean to!" Jack insisted. "I just-"

"Just what, Jack? Just want to make sure that she misses you? Just want to know that she's in as much pain at losing her father as you are at losing your mother? Just what?!" she screamed the last bit so loud that Jack held his phone at arm's length.

"Damnit Grace!" he snarled into the phone. "I just wanted to talk to her! How the hell was I supposed to know she'd flip out? How the fuck can I know how things are there when I'm way the fuck and gone in Detroit?"

Gracie was quiet for a moment. "You're right," she replied. Jack winced, her voice was hard and edged in ice. "You couldn't possibly know. It's not like you're here. But then again you weren't here for the first two years, how dare your three-year-old daughter flip out when you're off doing God-knows-what? You'd think she'd be pretty used to it. Don't call my daughter and do this to her again, or I swear to God Jack, I'll kill you myself."

Jack stared at the phone in his hand, shock all over his face. Grace never fought with him, never raised her voice as she had just a moment ago. _Is this what I'm doing to them?_ he thought, sick with guilt. _If I'm hurting them this much, I need to go home._

Without thinking about the fact that he was only wearing a tattered pair of grey thermal pants, Jack hurried out of his room and down to the kitchen. Angel was sitting at the kitchen table, staring out the windows, occasionally looking into the dining room where Sofi was cleaning Bobby's wounds.

He was just about to tell them that he was leaving when Angel turned to look at him. "Put some clothes on," he growled. "Revenge is a full time job."

Jack stood there, stunned for a moment. This was the first time any of them had said the word "revenge", but that alone isn't what had frozen him. Death was in Angel's eyes now, not just Bobby's. "I just got up," he said, more to break the spell than because it was important.

"Yeah, I see that," Angel said sarcastically.

Jack started to turn away. Resting his head on the doorjamb, he tried to regain that resolve he'd had moments ago. When it didn't come, he sighed and went back upstairs.

He was pulling up his jeans when Sofi threw open the door.

"Fuck!" he shouted, hands going to his groin. "Don't you knock?"

"Cops!" she said, before turning and running down the stairs carrying a flowered bathrobe.

Jack swore again, but didn't hurry. Cops would be suspicious if the whole household came running to meet them. After he'd pulled on a black sweater and some shoes, he walked downstairs.

Green and his partner (what was his name? Frommer, Fowler, something like that) were standing in the living room. Bobby (now wearing the bathrobe Sofi had been carrying) was walking around the coffee table to stand in front of the cops, with Angel sitting nearby.

"What happened to the hand, Bobby?" Green asked, glancing at the trickle of blood that ran down Bobby's hand. "You happen to forget our little conversation we had at your brother's about not interfering?"

Bobby fixed a small grin on his face. "No, no," he assured Green. "This is Turkey Cup, man. Hockey. Old Mercer family tradition. You remember that, Green, you played hockey." His face became innocent and Jack had to fight back a smile. "Guys can be really rough out on that ice."

Green nodded, his face coolly disbelieving. "Where's your car Bobby?" he asked pointedly.

_Shit_, Jack thought. _How the hell do we explain that?_

"We left it at Jeremiah's," Sofi said suddenly. Jack glanced at her, surprised that she'd been able to think faster than any of them.

Bobby nodded. "Yeah, Jerry drove us home," Angel said. "Volvos are some of the safest cars out there," he continued, his voice intentionally monotone. "Volvos are incredible when there's a blizzard outside."

"That's fascinating," Green's partner said suddenly, stepping forward. "Hey Gretsky, know what this is?" he asked Bobby, holding up a small plastic bag.

"Hair from your wife's tit?" Bobby asked, the uncaring tone making it even more of an insult.

"Try from your thick skull," the guy retorted. "Forensics took it off a pair of contract killers found dead last night."

Jack almost breathed a sigh of relief. They weren't even close to cooked. If these guys were resorting the hair-on-the-body trick, they'd be fine.

Bobby thought so to judging from the smartass smile he was wearing now. "Fishing for a confession with a phoney hair," he said glibly. "That's a old one, boys." He walked over and dropped onto the couch. "You know when I know you got my hair off a dead body?" he asked, folding his hands across his stomach. "When the jailhouse doors close behind me, girls."

Fowler (Jack remembered his name now) looked pissed, but Green laughed. "Alright, then you tell me what they told you," Green said. "What, you think these thugs were hired to kill Evelyn, is that it?"

Bobby casually ran his fingers through his hair. "No idea what you're talking about Green," he said calmly.

"How d'you go from petty thugs to contract killers?" Angel asked. "And if they were professional shooters like you say, they never woulda told who they was workin' with anyway. Even if they got one hell of a ass-whuppin'," he added.

"You think you're cute dontcha?" Fowler said, smirking at Green. "He does. Everyone's a smart guy til I bust 'im in the mouth." Fowler took a few threatening steps toward Angel.

Jumping to his feet, Angel snapped, "You wanna bust me in my mouth?"

Fowler jumped for him and Jack hurried forward, not even noticing Sophie moving with him. Green got there first.

"Stop it!" he yelled. "This ain't what I came here for. Stop!" he yelled again as Fowler and Angel tried to get to each other. "Bobby, if you got somethin', give it me," he snapped. "And if it's somethin' vital, man we will run with it. But don't go trying to take on Detroit all by your damn self. Keep knockin' on the Devil's door long enough and sooner or later someone gonna answer you," Green said, his eyes lingering on Jack for a moment.

- - - - - -

When Green and his partner left, Bobby got the wallets they'd taken from the shooters and started going through them. "What bastard hired these guys?" he asked, almost to himself.

Jack just shrugged. All the shit that was swirling around in his mind was making it really hard for him to focus. He couldn't stop hearing Evy's little voice screaming "I hate you" no matter how hard he tried.

"West Marina's by the river, right?" Bobby asked.

"Yeah," Jack and Angel replied together.

"Let's go take a look," Bobby said, shoving the ID back into a wallet and tossing it on the table. As they walked toward the front door, Sofi blocked their way. Jack had to fight back a smile. He could smell a fight in the air.

"Baby," Angel said, his tone pacifying.

"Sweetie," Sofi said sweetly back to him. "Wasn't there a discussion about a dinner together? Cause I seem to remember spending two hours in the kitchen," she said pointedly.

"Look, we got some important shit to deal with," Angel began.

"She's so La Vida Loca," Bobby said. Jack grinned at him.

"Shut up Bobby," Sofi snarled. "Don't start with that crap."

Pretty soon the three of them were all trying to yell over each other. Jack just tried to keep himself from laughing. As much as he hated fighting, he _loved_ watching Angel get led around by the balls. Sofi had always been a bitch but she had Angel totally pussy-whipped. He asked to get this bullshit from her in Jack's opinion.

And of course, Sofi finally managed to shut the other two up. "Angel," she said, grabbing his shoulders and using a weepy voice. "You said this time was gonna be different." Looking on the verge of tears, she turned and walked away.

"Ai Mommy," Bobby said in a sappy voice. "You breakin' me corazón. Chica!" Standing in the doorway in front of Angel, Bobby's face became mocking and exasperated. "She's gettin' real comfortable here," he said. "What're you doin'? I thought you was a macho man, a tough guy."

Angel didn't say anything, just looked away. "It's too bad that little Jackie's the only one down to ride," Bobby said, disgust dripping from his voice. "Let's go Jackie.

Jack grinned down at Angel. It was so nice to see Bobby reaming someone else for a change. Jack was always the easy target cause Angel could take Bobby and Jerry had never been having any of that shit.

"Say goodbye to your big sister Jackie. Let's go," Bobby shouted from the front door.

"You gonna leave me to?" Angel asked. "I just need fifteen minutes, man."

Fighting back laughter, Jack followed Bobby out the door. "She's addicted to what Angel's dick did," he laughed.

They were almost at the shooter's house before Bobby spoke. "You wanna tell me what the hell you been keepin' quiet?" Bobby growled.

Jack looked sharply at him. "Dunno what you're talkin' about," Jack mumbled.

"Don't gimme that bullshit, you know just what the fuck I'm talkin' about. Angel says you're on your phone a lot and I heard you yellin' at someone this morning. What's the deal little brother?"

Jack toyed with his sleeve and took a drag of his cigarette. "Nothing, man," he said. "Just trying to take care of shit back home while I'm here." He didn't know why it was so hard to tell his brothers that they were nephews, but it seemed damn near impossible for Jack to form the words.

Bobby frowned at him. "Right. Who the hell is Evy? You get some chica knocked up? She after you for child support or something'?"

"No," Jack snapped. "She's a girl I know. Sometimes friends fight, but I don't suppose you know that seeing as you end up killing almost everyone you meet. Stay the fuck outta my life, Bobby. If I want you to know something, I'll tell you."

The rest of the ride was completely silent as they sat seething in their own anger. When they reached the rundown apartment building and got inside, Bobby went automatically to the bedroom while Jack started searching the living room and kitchen. He dug around in the couches and chairs and rifled through the cabinets and shelves, but there's was nothing there. He turned away and was about to go help Bobby when his flashlight reflected off something silver. Looking down he saw a camera. _Jackpot,_ he thought, grabbing it off the coffee table. He could hear Bobby shoving something into his duffle bag and he figured his brother was almost finished.

Shrugging, Jack grabbed the guy's CDs and started looking for something good. Marvin Gaye, Diana Ross, The Temptations. Shit, the best of the seventies.

"You still dickin' around in hear?" Bobby snapped, walking out of the dim hallway. "Find anything?"

"Camera," Jack said with a shrug.

"Let's go." Tossing the CDs onto the couch, Jack followed Bobby out to the car.

As they drove, Jack started to feel twitchy. Bobby was almost never quiet. "I'm sorry I yelled at you," Jack said quietly. "Just got a lotta shit on my mind."

Bobby nodded. "S'alright, Jackie."

It wasn't much of a conversation or apology, but it was the best any of them could ever do. _I wish I was home with Evy,_ Jack thought. Nothing was ever awkward with that kid. She thought he was perfect and that everything he did was okay. He never had to apologize to her. _Not until today anyway,_ he thought gloomily.

When they got home, Jack went upstairs. "I'll be back in a sec," he yelled to his brother before he shut the bedroom door and pulled out his phone. Pushing the speed-dial for home, Jack waited, barely breathing.

"Daddy?" Evy's voice was quiet and careful as she answered the phone. Jack breathed a sigh of relief that she didn't sound angry.

"Hi baby," he said softly. "How are you?"

"I'm okay," she replied. "Sorry I yelled at you this morning."

"You don't have to be sorry," Jack said quietly. "I deserved it."

"I don't hate you though Daddy and Mommy says I'm not s'pose to lie."

Jack wished he was there to hug her. Sometimes that kid was so damn cute when she said stuff like that. Her little face wrinkled up seriously and her mouth quirked up at the left corner. "That wasn't really a lie honey," he explained. "It was true right then, even if it isn't true all the time."

Evy was quiet for a moment and Jack could just imagine her tiny face screwed up in concentration. "I guess that's okay then," she said finally. "Daddy, when are you coming home?"

Jack ran a hand over his face. "I'll be home this weekend," he said. He'd already decided that it was time to go home. He was going to tell his brothers tomorrow when (hopefully) they'd have calmed down a little.

"Really?" Evy squealed. "You're gonna come home this weekend?"

"Yeah Evy-bunny," Jack said, smiling at the happiness he heard in her voice.

"Yay!" Evy yelled and Jack heard Grace's voice in the background.

"Mommy, Daddy's coming home this weekend!" Evy crowed.

Grace's voice came over the line suddenly. "Baby are you really coming back?" she asked excitedly.

"Yeah, Gracie," he replied. "I'm coming back. I gotta family to take care of and I can't do that from across the fucking country."

"Oh Jack I'm so happy," Grace gushed. "I can't wait to see you!"

"Jack, get your fuckin' ass down here you fuckin' fairy!" Bobby bellowed suddenly.

"Same here, babe," he told Grace. "I gotta go, but I'll call you guys tomorrow morning."

"Alright honey. Talk to you then."

"Love you guys."

"Love you too."

When Jack went into the dining room, Bobby glared at him. "What the hell were you doin'?" he snapped. "Let's go through this shit."

Jack nodded and grabbed the camera. Bobby opened his duffle and started pulling out guns, telling Jack about them. Jack nodded, looking up whenever Bobby's voice sounded a little more enthusiastic, but mostly concentrating on the pictures in the camera.

The front door opened after a little while and Bobby instinctively pointing a gun toward the footsteps that echoed through the living room.

"Woah," Jerry said, frowning at the gun in Bobby's hand. "What the hell y'all doin' now?"

"Getting a head-start on next year's taxes, Jerry," Bobby replied, going back to the guns.

"Look how y'all doin' Mama's house," Jerry said in a long-suffering voice. "Man, look at this table. Come _on._"

"You know what, you're right," Bobby agreed. "Yo Sofi. Why don't you clean up some of this shit? Make yourself useful."

Sofi tossed a box at Bobby, barely missing him and Jack. Rolling his eyes, Jack went back to the camera as Jerry walked over to join them. "Where'd you get this?" Jerry asked.

"Our friend Stanley the Shooter," Bobby told him.

Jack's eyes widened. "Look Bobby," he said, holding the camera where his brother could see it. Picture after picture of Evelyn, some of them where she was just walking around and some where she was standing with an old guy that was naggingly familiar.

"They were trackin' Mom," Bobby said.

"Bobby, that's that guy," Jack said, remembering suddenly. The lawyer, Bradford. "That's that lawyer guy. That shithead said, he said he only met her once Bobby."

Angel walked in and Bobby frowned at him. "Where the hell you been?" he demanded. "I been tryin' to call you all day."

"Followin' up new leads," Angel growled, his eyes glued to Jerry's face. Something was definitely up, but Angel didn't seem in any hurry to explain.

"Let's go see what that lawyer has to say," Bobby said. "Jerry, you comin' with us?" Jerry hesitated. "Don't you wanna find out who hired 'em?" Bobby demanded.

"Yeah," Angel said softly. "Don't you wanna find out who killed Mom?"

"I'll go," Jerry said. "Someone gotta look after y'all clowns."

"Then let's go. Stop bullshitin'," Bobby said.

"So now we clowns?" Angel asked Jerry as they followed Jack out the door.

"I call 'em like I see 'em," Jerry replied.

- - - - - -

Bradford's house was in the really rich part of Detroit, totally across town from Evelyn's house. When they reached it, Jack had to force himself not to stare around in awe. These were some nice digs. Maybe one day he'd be rich enough to afford a house this nice for his family. _Just a few more days and I'll be home,_ Jack thought, grinning slightly.

They circled around the back and Bobby busted out one of the windows. A little poodle wandered over to the door as they came in and Bobby scooped it up quickly, cooing to it to keep her from barking.

"Let's find his computer," Jack whispered.

"Why?" Bobby asked.

Jack rolled his eyes. "He's a lawyer, Bobby," Jack explained slowly. "Everything about his life is in his calendar. Trust me."

Angel snickered. "Fucked a few lawyers in your time, Jackie-poo?" he said mockingly. Jack punched him in the arm and pushed past his brothers.

They finally found Bradford's office (Jesus this house was huge) and Jack sat down in front of his computer. The password was way too easy ("Bradford" backwards) and Jack had no problem finding the man's calendar.

"Found it," he told his brothers. "You don't think 'EM' stands for Evelyn Mercer, do you?" he asked innocently.

"You're gettin' good at this Jackie," Bobby said, reading over his shoulder. "He was with her the night she died."

"Who the hell has to meet up with their lawyer at eight o'clock at night?" Angel asked. Before anyone could answer, a car horn blared outside and Sofi's voice rang out. "Angel!"

Jack looked up at his brother in disgust as Bobby snarled, "Oh great, your girlfriend's here!"

"Jesus," Angel muttered.

"God shut her up then!" Jack snapped.

"Y'all come out there with me, that girl's crazy," Angel grumbled as he walked toward the front door.

"Crazy as hell," Jack agreed, following his brothers.

When they got outside, Sofi was wigging out. It took all four of them to drag her back towards her car. She was yelling the whole time and Jack was about ready to knock her ass out just so they wouldn't have to listen to her screaming half in English and half in Spanish anymore.

A car pulled up and Bobby strode over to it. Shoving Sofi into Angel's arm with a look of disdain, Jack followed Jerry and Bobby.

Bobby jerked Bradford out of the car and flung him onto the snow, ripping his shirt and jacket up over his head. Jack had no idea what Bobby was saying to the man, but he knew that he was slapping his hand against Bradford's bare skin over and over. Fighting back the mania that normally overtook him at the sound, Jack forced himself to focus as his brothers backed off and Bradford struggled up onto his elbows.

"I guess I just felt so guilty," the lawyer said.

"Guilty for what?" Jerry asked.

"I don't know if I really even know how to say this," Bradford struggled, his eyes glancing desperately at the men standing above him. "Your mother and I were seeing each other socially."

Jack felt like laughing. _Jesus Mom,_ he thought fondly. _Out messing around when you're three-times a grandmother. God you had balls._

Bobby pulled Bradford up and dusted the snow off him. "I have some of your mother's night things if you want-"

"What?" Bobby demanded. Jack reflected that if he'd been in Bradford's position, he wouldn't have mentioned Evelyn's night clothes to Bobby. "No, that's not necessary."

Jack turned and walked away as grief flooded him. Evelyn had given up the prime years of her life to help kids no one else wanted and then when she'd finally been able to live like she wanted, she'd lost her life. Sometimes is seemed like bad things _only_ happened to good people.

_Just a few more days,_ Jack told himself as he lay in bed that night. _Just a few more days and I'll be as far away from this shit as I can get.

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_

**Sorry again for taking so long to update. The last three chapters are coming soon.**

**Review and I'll fuck Garrett Hedlund and give everyone a total description of every inch of that fabulous body.**


	7. Downward Spiral

**Thank you for the reviews everyone!**

**Pollypocket- people on this website will be some of the first to know when I get a book published because, let's face it, you guys all like my writing, so I'm sure you'd all read it. Or maybe I just hope you all will, LOL.**

**Disclaimer-I hate you, You hate me, We're a fucked up bunch of geeks, With a little bit of Jack and a spice of Bobby too, **_**Four Brothers**_** is not mine to use. (Okay, too many cigarettes today, they've fried my brain a bit.)**

**Enjoy!

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**

Blood. There was blood everywhere. On his clothes, on the walls and the floor, tripping off his hair, rolling sluggishly off his fingertips. Red, warm, recently alive blood.

"Jack!" Bobby yelled in his ear over the sound of roaring flames and painful scream. "Jack come on we gotta go!"

"I killed him Bobby," Jack mumbled. He felt fuzzy and out of it as he looked down at the dead body before him. "I killed him."

"It's okay Jackie," Bobby yelled. "We have to go. He's gone there's nothing we can do for him now!"

"Damnit Bobby just grab 'im!" Angel screamed from the doorway.

"C'mon Jackie," Bobby said, quieter this time, his eyes locked on his little brother's. "C'mon buddy, let's go home."

"I didn't mean to kill him," Jack said, his voice breaking. He looked up at Bobby, his eyes pleading. "I really didn't mean to kill him."  
"Bobby, this place is burning the fuck down and the cops are on the way!" Angel yelled, grabbing Bobby's shoulder. "We gotta go now!"

Bobby looked at Jack. "Sorry Jackie," he said before punching Jack hard in the face.

As he was passing out, Jack felt Bobby throw him over a strong shoulder. The last thing he saw as his brother carried him out of the burning room was the man's dead, glassy brown eyes watching him.

- - - - - - -

Jack sat up quickly, gasping for breath. _It was a dream,_ he told himself, pressing the pads of his hands against his eyes. _Just a fucking nightmare. It wasn't real._

But it was, Jack knew it was. He had been 18 and so excited about getting the chance to help Bobby and Angel with a job. They'd given him a gun and a crowbar (maybe even the exact same one Bobby had handed to him that first day) and told him to be cool unless something went wrong. It did go wrong. Horribly, monstrously, completely wrong.

The guy had come at Jack with a shotgun and screamed, "Die mothafucka!" just before Jack blew him away. "No," Jack had breathed, dropping to the ground in the smoky room. "No!" he'd screamed when he realized the man was dead, that he'd taken a life.

Jack shuddered. What kind of person was he that now he didn't even think of the man he killed, didn't even remember his face? All he could remember was the eyes, blank and staring, wide in fear for the rest of eternity. Even that image was starting to fade, passing away with all the other years he'd spent in a drug-induced haze.

Jack pushed back the blankets and stood up, staring out his window at the snow outside. White, pure, untouched, he couldn't reach that world. He put his palm against the glass and pushed, feeling the cold invisible barrier that kept him away from the safe, quiet world he'd always longed for. Evy belonged in that world, so did Gracie, so did Evelyn. He, Jack Mercer, was never meant for that world. He was meant for that smoke-filled room splattered with blood, for the fire that was bringing the building down all around them. He could pretend for a while that he could live in the clean world with his daughter, but at the end of the day, he had to sleep in that flaming hell.

_It's too early in the day for this shit,_ he thought to himself, leaning his forehead against the cold glass. _I can't think about this right now, I'll drive myself nuts._

Picking up a towel from the floor, Jack kicked off his boxers and wrapped it around his waist. Shower, smoke, eat, and then go forward. If he could get through that he'd be fine.

- - - - - - -

"Morning Jackie," Bobby said, slamming the bathroom door open.

"How the fuck did Mom raise four boys with only one bathroom?" Jack asked, sticking his head around the shower curtain as Bobby dropped his pants and sat on the toilet.

Bobby grinned. "Taught us to share, little brother," he said. Jack rolled his eyes and went back to his shower.

"Bobby!" Angel yelled from the hallway.

"Yeah," Bobby grunted.

Jack heard the floor squeak and saw Angel's outline on the shower curtain. _Christ,_ he thought. _Why not call Jerry and tell him to bring the family, Sofi can come in too, that way we can have our own fucking reunion while I'm butt-ass naked._

"Hey man," Angel said. "I needa ask you a question."

"What's up?" Bobby asked.

"You know Sofi and I did a lotta makin' up last night."

"You gave 'er that ring, huh?" Bobby said, laughter in his voice.

Angel chuckled. "Well it seem like I gotta little rust on the tools," he continued.

"Whoa, whoa," Bobby said. "Ask the cock-ologist in the shower."

"How the hell would I know?" Jack asked irritably.

"You're the expert," Bobby replied glibly.

Jack stuck his head out of the shower and looked down at Angel's dick. _We are way too close in this family,_ he thought. "Rub burn," he replied shortly and pulled his head back into the shower.

"You'll live," Bobby laughed from the pot.

"Thank God man," Angel breathed. "I thought my luck run out." Angel started to walk away, but he stopped hallway out the door. Jack frowned at his silhouette on the shower curtain.

"Hey man," Angel said quietly. "You know Jerry ain't been straight up with us about that redevelopment project. Turns out his dream's dead. Jerry got involved with some bad people and the city got on him for fraud and whatnot. Technically Jerry's really broke."

Jack frowned in the shower. Jerry, mixed up with bad people? Bobby, he'd believe it, Angel too, but Jerry? No way, he had way too much to lose.

"You think this had something to do with what happened to Mom?" Bobby asked.

"I'm just saying it something we should look into," Angel said evasively. "I need y'all to go down and talk to this city official Douglas. He'll know who Jerry got mixed up with. I'm gonna go check on some other shit."

"Why don't you just tell me what you know, Angel," Bobby said.

"I know you gotta stay yo ass on that porcelain," Angel replied. _Oh here we go,_ Jack thought ruefully, turning off the water. "This is gonna require a little finesse and given your prior reputation as a hothead-"

"I wrote the fucking book on finesse," Bobby snapped.

"Whatever," Angel said, walking away.

"Wait for me to wipe my ass Angel I'm coming with you!" Bobby said as Jack stepped out of the shower and pulled a towel around his waist. "Get me some fucking toilet paper Jack!" Bobby snarled. Before Jack could say anything, a door slammed and Bobby yelled, "Angel!" again.

Rolling his eyes, Jack threw a roll of toilet paper at his brother and went to get dressed. _We're going to cross eating off the list after the smell of Bobby's shit,_ Jack thought as he pulled on jeans and a sweatshirt. _But smoking is definitely not going by the wayside._

- - - - - - - -

Jack was freezing his ass off in this fucking parking garage. _Why oh fucking why do I not own any warm clothes?_ he asked himself for the hundredth time in the last five minutes. His brothers wore warm clothes, but then again they were heavier than he was so they had more weight to hold heat. Jerry hadn't ever been cold the entire time Jack had known him, but even Jerry had a few thick coats around his house.

"That him?" Bobby said suddenly, jerking his head towards a black guy walking into the garage. Jack looked down at the paper in his hand. "Yeah," he replied and they walked over to meet Councilman Douglas.

"Councilman Douglas," Bobby said. "Sorry to startle you. My name's Bobby Mercer, I believe you know my brother Jeremiah Mercer. Heard you were the one that got his business shut down."

Douglas looked them over. Jack could see the subtle tightening around his eyes and the forced disdain on his face. Oh yeah, he'd give them whatever they wanted. "This isn't the proper venue for an appeal," Douglas said, starting to walk between them.

Jack and Bobby moved closer together. "We aren't really concerned about that," Bobby said, his voice still smooth and non-threatening. Right now he was just a concerned older brother. Jack had to fight back laughter, man Bobby was good. "We heard that our brother got mixed up with some hoodlums. You know anything about that?"

"I'm sorry," Douglas replied shortly, the slight tremor in his voice betraying his lie. "I can't help you. Excuse me."

Jack moved slightly to his left as Douglas pushed between them. Turning, he grinned slightly as he watched the man walk over to his car. Sometimes people just didn't do what was best for them. They watched Douglas open his door, not even noticing the broken back window. When he shut the door and didn't immediately start the car, the brothers moved in for the kill.

"Councilman!" Bobby yelled, dribbling more gas on the hood. "I ain't gonna light your ass on fire, all I wanted was a name. Don't make me turn your ass into a black gingerbread man." Jack lit a cigarette, making sure Douglas saw. "It's alright," Bobby continued. "I'll have my little brother here suck your burning dick." Jack stopped himself from rolling his eyes as he took a deep pull before Bobby snatched the cigarette from his hand. "Roll down the window."

Douglas finally came around. "Victor," he said quickly. "Victor Sweet."

- - - - - - -

"That name sounds familiar," Jack said later as they drove toward the bowling alley where Angel had told them to meet him. "Sweet, Sweet," he murmured.

"Yeah," Bobby agreed. "I remember now," he said after a minute. "Malcolm Sweet, big boss man round here. Victor was his kid or something. Used to work for Malcolm back in the day. Real fucked up little bitch."

Bobby pulled his cell phone out of his pocket. "I know who'd be able to tell me about this guy," he said as he dialled. "Yo Kevin, what's up? 'S Bobby. Look man, I need some info . . .

- - - - - - -

They pulled into the parking lot and got out. As they walked up the sidewalk to the front doors, Jack looked at his brother. "What d'you think he found?" he asked.

"Dunno, but it's something big," Bobby replied.

"How d'you know?"

"Could hear it in his voice. I know my brother."

They found Angel at the bar and Jack didn't lose a second before ordering a beer and taking a few long pulls.

"So what's up?" Bobby asked.

"Was the councilman helpful?" Angel asked.

Bobby snickered. "Oh yeah, real public servant." He took a swallow of beer. "You remember Victor Sweet?"

Angel stared blankly at the lanes for a minute. "I remember a Malcolm Sweet."

"Yeah, Victor was his nephew," Bobby said. "Used to deliver things for his uncle. Firebombs and beatin's. You remember, Malcolm used to love to humiliate him all the time."

Angel laughed quietly. "Oh yeah, I remember that dude."

"Well, apparently little Victor got sick of all the ass-whuppins and sunk his uncle into the river. Runs the whole neighbourhood now."

"No shit?" Jack said. It still surprised him what people did to their own family members these days. _Thank God Evy won't grow up in this world,_ Jack thought.

"You recognize that dude," Angel said suddenly. "Guy with the fat head?"

"Yeah, that's Xander Pearson," Bobby replied, glancing over his shoulder. "In the unions with Jerry. Used to be alright, that guy."

"He goes by Evan now," Angel rumbled. "He works for a man named Victor."

Bobby's head jerked around. This wasn't looking too good right now, but Jack still couldn't quite figure out what all this had to do with Jerry's business and his mom's death. "You guys are coming up with this pretty fast," he commented.

"Maybe we shoulda been cops," Bobby said with a small smile. He put his beer on the counter and looked at Angel. "What're we doing here Angel?" he asked.

"Holy shit," Jack breathed, getting to his feet. Jerry had just walked into the bowling alley and straight over to Evan.

"I found out that Jerry got a big insurance check from Mom's death," Angel told them.

Bobby's whole body was rigid and tense. "Forget Jerry," he said. "We'll find him later, let's go."

Jack downed the last of his beer, knowing he was going to need it, before he followed his brothers out onto the lanes.

"Yo Xander!" Bobby called when they got too close for him to run away.

"Muriel, we leavin'," Xander said to his wife. "Nice to see you boys, but we was just leavin," he said to the brothers, holding his daughter close to his side. Jack forced himself to look away from the girl, he couldn't see this man as a father right now, couldn't put himself in Evan's position.

"What was you talkin' to my brother about?" Bobby asked.

"Nuthin' just sayin' hello," Evan replied. "Jerry and I go way back, from the union days."

"I hear you're one of Victor Sweet's boys now," Bobby said. "They say he's running shit like his uncle used to, treatin' you like a house nigger."

Evan's face twitched and Jack saw him cover his daughter's ear. _Don't think about Evy!_ Jack yelled to himself.

"What're you thinkin' about Evan," Angel demanded. "The guy's a punk."

"You been gone a long time fellas," Evan said. "Times change."

"What's in the envelope?" Bobby asked.

"What envelope?" Evan asked, trying to play dumb.

"You wanna play that fuckin' game with me right now?" Bobby said threateningly, stepping forward as he slipped his hand under his jacket for his gun.

"Gimme the envelope and take a walk," Angel said softly.

Evan handed it to Angel. "Take the kids," Bobby said derisively. "We'll see your ass again real soon."

- - - - - -

They sat in the car in front of Jerry's house and Jack felt like he was going to explode with the tension in the air. Angel was being his usual quiet self, Bobby was on the verge of explosion himself and nobody was saying anything. None of them wanted to be the first to say those horrible words that would fuck up everything.

Again Jack felt that awful chill like something was creeping up on them, waiting to strike. _Please God,_ Jack prayed quietly. _Don't let Jerry have had something to do with Mom. Bobby'd kill him and we'd be less a mother and a brother. Let it not have anything to do with him, let it all be okay._

"That's it," Bobby said suddenly. "I'm gonna go in there and bust that man and find out what's going on."

"Hey," Jack said, grabbing Bobby's shoulder. "His family's in there." The last thing Jack would ever want was Bobby busting into his apartment with death in his eyes while Evy and Grace were there.

"I don't give a shit man," Bobby snarled.

"You need to relax," Angel said. "Lemme call 'im."

"Calm down Bobby," Jack said quietly.

"I'm calm, I'm calm," Bobby said, his breath still loud in the car.

Angel was talking to Jerry, but Jack wasn't listening. He couldn't shake the image of Evan and his daughter from his head. Him holding her tight, one arm protecting her from everything. God how Jack missed his baby. He was looking forward to grabbing her up in his arms this weekend, whirling around as she clung to him. His daughter was the one drug he never wanted to build a tolerance to. Jack wanted her to hold his heart and soul forever.

When they got home, Jack grabbed a beer and went up to his room. Locking the door behind him, he crawled out onto the porch roof and lit a cigarette. Pulling out his phone, Jack dialled home.

"Hi Daddy!" Evy squealed.

Jack wished that he could smile, but the day was too heavy for him. "Hi baby," he said.

Evy was quiet for a minute. "Daddy, what's wrong?" she asked softly.

Jack felt tears springing to his eyes. "I'm okay," he said, but his voice broke and he couldn't hold back the tears. He wanted to stop crying, to not put this burden on his baby girl, but he couldn't

"It's okay Daddy," she whispered. "It's okay." There was silence and then Evy did something that took his tears away. She started to sing, softly at first, but louder as the first few lines melted away.

"When the night is still

And the sea is calm

Lonely shadow, you call upon me.

-

"Lay by my side

Fear not tonight

Lonely shadow, you'll find a new light.

-

"Dream a dream

And see through angels eyes

A place where we can fly away

-

"Ride with me upon a shining star

Above the moonlit sky

We will find Elysium.

-

"Hear the nightingale

Sing a lullaby

Lonely shadow, you'll find a new light

-

"Dawn will be kind

All will be bright

Lonely shadow, rise from the darkness.

-

"Dream a dream

And see through angels eyes

A place where we can fly away

-

"Ride with me upon a shining star

Above the moonlit sky

We will find Elysium."

Jack had never known that Evy could sing. She never sang along with him and Gracie had never mentioned it. He knew that it was Gracie who had taught that song to Evy, it was one of her favorites. Some girl sang it, Charlotte something. "Baby that was beautiful," Jack breathed through his shock.

He could her Evy's smile as she answered. "I know. I've been practicing. I was going to show you when you got home, but I think you needed it right now."

Now more than ever he wanted to hug her, to wrap her in his arms and never let go. Tomorrow was Friday and Saturday morning he was going home. He hadn't told him brothers yet, but nothing was going to stop him. Jack missed his baby, his life in California. He wanted to get away from this cold, memory-ridden place.

"Thank you, Evy," he said quietly.

"Welcome Daddy," she replied softly.

Evy chattered for about twenty minutes about her friends at day-care and the projects they were doing. Grace got on the phone at that point and sent Evy to start getting ready for bed.

"You never told me she could sing," Jack said after Evy left.

Grace sighed. "I didn't know," she answered truthfully. "This morning I found her in the living room with one of your guitars on her lap while she was singing that song."

"She's wonderful," Jack said, awe heavy in his voice.

"She gets that from her daddy."

Jack laughed quietly, staring at the cherry of ashes at the end of his cigarette. "I hope that's all she gets from me."

Gracie laughed. "No," she joked. "She needs to get your looks, your charisma, your talent, your sense of humor, your dumb little habits. She's going to be everything good about the both of us without any of the bad," she added.

Jack leaned back against the house. "I hope you're right," he said quietly. "I really do."

- - - - - - -

That night, Jack dreamed that Evelyn was crying over a grave. He called out to her but she didn't turn around. When he reached her, Evelyn had looked at him with tortured eyes and pointed at the gravestone in front of them. Jack looked down and had to fight back a scream. "Jack Mercer 1982-2004".

"Them too," Evelyn said. Jack looked around. "Evy Mercer 2001-2018"; "Grace Winston 1982-2007"; "Bobby Mercer died 2020"; "Jeremiah Mercer"; "Angel Mercer"; "Abigail Mercer 2001-2020"; "Danielle Mercer born 1999 died-unknown".

"No!" Jack screamed. "No!"

Evelyn looked up at him, her eyes hard. "Blood-debts must be paid, Jackie," she whispered. "You took a life and you must pay it back."

"A life for a life!" he screamed at her. "Only my life!"

She shook her head. "Sometimes one life isn't enough."

Jack dropped to the ground in front of Evy's tombstone and sobbed desperately into his hands. Wind swirled around him, shrieking wildly in his ears. "Evy!" he screamed.

- - - - - - - -

Nearly 2,300 miles away, Evy sat bolt upright in bed. "Daddy?" she whispered into the darkness.

* * *

**Ooooh, cliffy-poo. Yes, two more chapters left. Hopefully I'll get those up in the next few days.**

**The song was "Dream a Dream" by Charlotte Church and Billy Gilman. You should definitely check it out. There're tons of copies of it on YouTube.**

**Please review!**

**Peace, love, and gushy fake blood!**


	8. How Could This Happen to Me?

**Okay, so I'm doing this chapter in first person. I wanted to write this chapter the best way I could and I think that hearing about death from Jack's point of view is the best way.**

**Thank you for the reviews!**

**Enjoy!

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**

I woke up feeling like someone was throwing rocks around my head. Groaning, I sat up and cradled my head in my hands. "Just one more day," I whispered. "Just one more fucking day and you can go home."

Suddenly, like I did sometimes, I got a total break on a song I was working on. It was a special one just for Evy, but I hadn't been able to get lyrics down. Grabbing my notebook off the floor, I scribbled them quickly. All I had was the bridge, but it was the chorus sometimes that made the song.

_I wish I had stayed_

_I wish I had remembered_

_While you were still here_

_And you were still free_

_I wish I could have said_

_I love you._

I frowned down at the paper and shrugged. Not fantastic, but they'd do to start. I scribbled "To Evy" at the top of the page and dropped the book back to the floor.

I stumbled out of my room and listened. Angel was still asleep, his snoring echoing through the bedroom door. The door to Mom's room was open, the bed empty, but I didn't hear Bobby moving around anywhere. Shrugging, I went and took a shower.

I hate mornings, I really do. One of the worst things about them has to be getting dressed though. Not that I really have to try to look decent, Gracie is always telling me that I'm so hot I don't have to worry about it, but I hate having to think about what to wear.

_Normal shit, Jack,_ I told myself as I stared into the closet. _Normal clothes that Jerry's used to seeing you in so that he won't freak out._

After a moment, I pulled out one of my favorite shirts. It was white with cover art from some album I couldn't even name anymore. It was worn out with a hole under the left arm, but it was still one of my favorites. Besides, white was a nice color. Peaceful, clean . . . way more prone to fatal blood stains than any of the other colors I wore.

I shuddered at the thought of blood. That feeling of doom was resting even stronger on me that morning. Somehow I wanted to call Evy and Gracie, tell them every thought or feeling I've ever kept back, but I turned away from my phone and pulled on my clothes. _you're being stupid,_ I snapped at myself. _Nothing's going to happen, you're just wigged because of this shit with Jerry._

Bobby banged on my bedroom door. "Get your ass downstairs, fairy," he yelled. "Jerry should be here any time."

"Fine," I shouted back, pocketing my cell phone and latching my wallet chain. I listened as Angel got the same treatment and counted Bobby's thundering steps back downstairs. Rubbing a hand over my face I stared blankly across the room. This really couldn't be happening. my brothers and I had conspired to fuck over other people or force them to talk, but we never ganged up against one of our own. That shit just wouldn't fly with us, Bobby had never allowed it. Jerry had been in a gang when he came to live with Evelyn; Angel had been in the rival gang. First time Bobby caught them fighting about it, he beat the shit out of both of them and told them if they ever tried again he'd kill them both. justice was swift and brutal between us, but after punishment, it was over, problem solved and forgotten.

_Why can't it be that way now?_ I asked, looking up, wishing with all my soul that Mom was here to stop this.

"Fairy!" Bobby screamed.

"Coming!" I hollered back. "Fuck! Keep your thong on, Bobby!"

- - - - - - -

Silence. Blows.

That's about all I was able to think about as I sat next to Angel on the couch, waiting to hear Jerry pull into the driveway. Bobby was leaning against the doorframe into the front hall. He was going to hide when Jerry showed and circle around through the kitchen to make sure Jerry couldn't make a break for it.

I really, _really_ hate awkward silences. As much as I hate screaming and fighting, I prefer them to swirling, pregnant silence. Quiet makes me twitchy and anxious, makes me wish that I had drugs, a razor, anything to calm the nervous hysteria that rears its ugly head.

"That's him," Angel said suddenly. I sat up a bit and listened. Yep, that was a car alright. we listened as a door opened and shut and Jerry tramped up the back stairs.

As the back door opened, Bobby pulled back into the hall, disappearing from sight as Jerry walked through the dining room to where Angel and I sat.

"Alright I'm here," Jerry said aggressively. "What's wrong?"

"You know what you did?" Angel said coolly, pulling the money out of the envelope we'd taken the day before.

"No, you don't know what you fuckin' with!" Jerry yelled. "Where's Bobby?"

That question was answered pretty quickly. Bobby came around with a right hook that knocked Jerry flat on his ass.

_no, _I thought as memories of other fights, other beatings, rose in my mind. _No, don't lose it now! KEEP IT THE FUCK TOGETHER JACK!_

"What're you hidin', Jerry," Bobby yelled. "Huh? I find out you had something to do with Mom's death, I swear to God Jerry I'm gonna kill you right here and now!"

Sofi yelled something, but I couldn't hear. I was too focused on Jerry, the brother who'd always been there, the steady rock that kept me anchored. He was the one I would call when I was too drunk or stoned to get home, he was the first one I went to when I woke up screaming because he knew that sometimes I just needed someone to talk to me, it didn't matter what they said. How could this be happening? how could it even be possible that he'd betrayed us like this?

"Y'all think I had something to do with Mom getting killed?" Jerry asked, his voice breaking.

"You got a check for four hundred thousand that you just so happened to forget to mention," Angel said.

"She took out the policy for the girls, man, what the hell was I supposed to do about that?" Jerry demanded.

"You made the payments!" I heard myself say. I wanted him to explain, to make everything okay with words like he had when I was a kid.

"Stay down," Bobby said, kicking Jerry as he tried to get up. Jerry looked at me, his eyes pleading.

"Good timing Jerry," Bobby snarled. "Just when it looks like everything's lost for you, Mom gets shot by some gangsters and you hit the fucking lottery?"

Jerry gasped. "Y'all trippin' cause I made insurance payments?" he demanded. "What?"

He jumped to his feet and shoved Bobby away before he punched Angel hard in the jaw. My body tensed. _I hate this,_ I thought desperately.

"I paid all her bills!" he yelled. "How many years did I have to take care of her my goddamn self? _Huh?_ Y'all were round doing nothin'! And now you think I killed her? C'mon, man!"

"Then why would you pay off a killer like Sweet?" Angel yelled. "And what the hell did he do for you, Jerry?"

"What did he do for me?" Jerry shouted. "He killed my fucking life!"

Someone knocked on the door and I went to get it. Part of my brain shrieked against me going when my brothers were obviously too occupied with fighting to notice, but the other part of me wanted to do something, anything to get the hell away from what was going on.

I opened the door and frowned as a guy walked away from the house, flipping me off. "Your mother was a whore!" he yelled.

"Yeah well fuck you man," I yelled back, anger rising in my throat. "I will kick your-"

A snowball hit me right in the nose. I was so angry that I couldn't even focus. I ran out the door, slipping slightly as I bent to scoop up a handful of snow. This was probably some little fucker of a neighbour kid trying to be funny but I was in no fucking mood.

He stopped and I raised my arm to throw the snow, but I froze as he turned around. He had a gun, a fucking gun pointed right at me!

Before I could think, before I could scream, I heard a bang and pain ripped through my right side. Blood was running down my shirt, obscenely bright against the white material.

**No, no, I couldn't be shot . . .**

**. . . I had to go home, Evy needed me . . .**

**. . . Mom had fought so hard to keep us from dying with this sort of violence . . .**

**. . . he was coming closer, this next bullet would be right through my brain . . .**

**. . . Bobby was yelling . . .**

_**Bang!**_** The guy fell back on the street . . .**

**. . . get up, run Jack, GET UP, FUCKING RUN!**

**. . . get to the house, get to Bobby . . .**

**. . . squealing tires and more gun shots . . .**

**. . . . . . . PAIN! Blinding pain across my legs, my back . . .**

"Bobby!" I screamed, beyond fear, beyond panic, lost in some horrible fantasy world where my big brother could make it all okay. "Bobby!"

All I could hear was gunshots and screams. I grabbed the lamppost in front of me, the one I'd carved my initials into the day I arrived at the Mercer house. Then I'd been desperate to leave a mark, something that would say I'd been there, now I was holding on for my life, forcing myself to believe that if I held onto something real I wouldn't die, I wouldn't slip away from everything I knew.

"Bobby!" I sobbed; screaming even though I felt like my body would die from the pain of it. "Bobby!"

I thought I heard him yell my name, but I couldn't tell.

**. . . so hard to breathe, so hard . . .**

**. . . breathe, Jackie, keep breathing . . .**

**. . . Evy . . .**

**. . . . they would never know that I died; my brothers didn't know I had anyone waiting in LA . . .**

**. . . Evy, my baby, my love . . .**

**. . . why hadn't I told them?**

**. . . why was it dark? It wasn't supposed to be getting dark, it was only morning . . .**

**. . . the gunshots stopped . . .**

**. . . tires squealing again and suddenly something barrelled past me kicking up snow . . . why couldn't I feel the cold wetness of the snow anymore? . . .**

"Jack!" Bobby was there, holding me, his arms cradling me even though I could barely feel them. "Jack, you gotta breathe."

I tired, God I tried so hard. Anything for my brothers, anything for Bobby. Anything for the brothers who had protected me, loved me no matter what. Blood was thick in my mouth, choking me so that no air could break through.

Bobby was crying. "Don't you die on me you little fairy," he said.

I forced myself to smile, forced my body to obey one last time so that they could tell Evy that I was happy, they could remember me trying so hard to smile through blood and pain.

_. . . I was slipping away, the pain was gone, the cold, everything . . ._

_. . . . My body shuddered and I felt everything stop . . ._

_. . . Part of me was still there, drifting within my corpse, hearing and seeing everything . . ._

"Jack," Bobby sobbed. "Mom, please." He was begging, begging her for one last favor, for her to fix one more thing and not take me away.

_Bobby,_ I tried to say. _Bobby don't cry. Bobby, I have a daughter. Her name's Evy and she's in LA. You need to tell her that I'm gone, tell her I'm sorry. Bobby please . . ._

He couldn't hear me, none of them could, but suddenly I wasn't there anymore, I was being pulled gently away.

I was in Mom's house again, standing in the front hall. I could hear her singing along with the radio in the kitchen. Queen, she was singing along with Queen. I walked forward, each step quicker until I was running, tearing into the room where my mom was waiting.

"Welcome home, Jackie," she said, turning away from the stove and smiling at me. "Looks like it's just me and you for supper."

- - - - -

Grace jerked awake, her ears straining to hear. Yes, that was a guitar, that was Jack's song, the one he was working on for Evy. He had the music, but not the words. _He must have come home a day early, just to surprise us,_ she thought, happiness filling her. She jumped out of bed and ran out of the bedroom.

"Jack!" she called as she hurried toward the living room. "Jack baby, is that you?"

When she walked into the living room, her heart sunk. Jack wasn't there, only Evy was. She was sitting on the floor in a square of early morning sunlight with one of Jack's guitars across her lap. She was wearing one of Jack's old sweatshirts, a favorite one of his that had a hole where the hood attached and stains from paint and God knew what else.

"Evy?" Grace said quietly, walking slowly toward her daughter. "Evy honey, you okay?"

Evy didn't move, just kept running her little fingers over the guitar strings, playing the bridge of Jack's song over and over. "Daddy's gone, Mommy," she said quietly. "Daddy died."

"Baby," Grace said softly, dropping to the floor behind her daughter and pulling the little girl into her lap. "Baby, Daddy's coming home tomorrow. Daddy's not dead, you just miss him."

Evy looked up at her, those solemn sad eyes that looked exactly like her father's so filled with pain that Grace wanted to look away. "No Mommy," she said firmly. "Daddy's never coming home again. He left me. He isn't coming back."

Suddenly Evy broke into a storm of crying. Grace held her close, rocking her daughter's shaking body as the girl sobbed into her shoulder.

"He was reading me a book about Queen," Evy sobbed. "He said they were the best band ever and I had to learn their stuff. He was going to take me to the ocean and to the mountains and the desert so that I could see everything. He said he'd be home, he said he'd come home."

Grace took Evy back to bed and tucked her in when the little girl exhausted herself with crying. She sat in her daughter's dim bedroom, watching her tear-streaked face contort as she slept. This was stupid, Evy couldn't possibly know if Jack was really dead. This was just some sort of nightmare, a way of her mind showing how much Evy missed her daddy.

As she walked out to the hall to call her work and Evy's day-care to get the day off, she decided not to think about the fact that she too felt a gaping hole where Jack had always been.

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**So, only one chapter left and it's going to be really cool, so fucking read it even though we all know that Jack's dead. Seriously, the next chapter rocks, so don't just stop reading or I'll have to hunt you down and kill you. should have it posted in the next few days. Not really sure when, I was hoping for tomorrow, but I work at a movie theatre and (lucky fucking me) I have to work during the midnight premieres of Spiderman 3. So maybe Friday or Saturday.**

**Anyway, please review cause you love me and I'm your favorite.**

**And to those 11 people who have alerts for this story, please send me a review (((cries))) cause you all obviously like it but only two or three of you review the story (((end crying)))**


	9. Heaven or Hell

**Okay, so here's the last chapter of this fic. But I have good news as well.**

**I have two story ideas and I plan on writing them both, but I thought I'd let my dear readers decide which one they wanted first. And your choices are:**

**A--Crossover catastrophe that includes **_**Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Four Brothers, Peter Pan,**_** and a few other miscellaneous things that will enter my mind. (Go with me on this, it'll work, I swear. Have a little faith in the fact that I have more split personalities than a mental hospital.)**

**B--Tell the stories of the brothers and of Evy and Grace after Jack dies with Jackie-poo chiming in from beyond the grave. This one is mostly because I really love the thought of Jack as a dad and I want to keep it going for as long as I can.**

**Anyway, please give me your votes in your reviews. Much thanks and implied wanton activities.**

**Enjoy!

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**

Heaven was really not what Jack had expected. Well, to be perfectly honest, he hadn't expected Heaven at all. He was pretty sure that Hell was waiting with a perfectly boiling corner made especially for him.

There were no harps or angels or cloud-spun cities in Heaven. Instead, Jack woke up every morning, back to being the kid he'd been when Evelyn had brought him home. By the afternoon, he'd be a teenager, and when he went to bed, he'd be back to being twenty-two. Living his life safely with Evelyn was better than Jack could have ever imagined. He didn't have nightmares; he wasn't haunted by the demons of his childhood. In Heaven, in Evelyn's house, the only memories he had were of a happy childhood where he'd always been Evelyn's son.

The only thing that bothered him was that he still remembered his brothers, Evy and Grace, and his painful death. He couldn't figure out why only those things remained while the rest of his memories were like clips from _Leave it to Beaver. _One morning at breakfast, Jack finally asked the question that had been plaguing him.

"Mom," he said, pushing away the pancakes (his favorite breakfast that Evelyn had given him every morning since he'd died. "Why can't I remember how my life was really like?"

Evelyn smiled at him. "What makes you think your memories aren't real?" she asked.

Jack shrugged. "I don't really know," he said. "I just get the feeling that they aren't."

Pushing her plate away, Evelyn held out her hands to her son. "Jackie, you have a choice to make," she said quietly. "I was hoping that you would wait longer, but I suppose it has to be now."

Jack frowned. "A choice?"

"Yes. It sounds like a very simple choice, but really it's very complicated." She looked at Jack's face, her eyes running over the familiar contours lovingly. "You can choose to leave things just as they are right now. Keep the good memories and live happily for the rest of eternity."

"Sounds pretty good to me," Jack said, grinning at her.

Evelyn gave him a sad smile before continuing. "Or you can choose to take back everything of your life before. You'll remember everything you did when you were alive and you'll be able to look down at Earth and walk among the people you loved there.

"If you take the second option however," Evelyn said, taking a deep breath. "You'd lose all of this. You wouldn't live through the days with me anymore. You'd be alone and you'd have to watch everything that was happening without having anyone to talk to about it."

Jack leaned back in his chair, sliding his hands out of his mother's. He loved being with his mother again, living in this house so easily as if he'd never lived anywhere else, but something was missing. _My brothers,_ he thought, but not just them. He missed Evy and his nieces and Grace and the life he'd made for himself. As crazy as it sounded, he missed being the screwed up person he'd always been, the man who was haunted by the demons of his childhood. He'd suffered through so much to become that person, all he'd done had been his by right. This happiness wasn't really his; it wasn't how things had really been.

_It's too clean for me here, too perfect,_ he thought, looking around the kitchen. He had never expected Heaven and having it now seemed wrong somehow. Jack looked up at Evelyn, his eyes pleading with her to understand that there was really only one choice for him to make.

Evelyn smiled but tears filled her eyes. "At least I had you for a little while, Jackie," she said sadly. She touched his hand.

Suddenly it all came flooding back to him. Rape, drugs, beatings, screams, gunshots, blood on his hands, muffled crying, the satisfying pain of a razor blade cutting into his wrists. All the painful, true events of his life burst into his mind like an attack, each one bringing agony that seemed to rip him apart. Jack cried out and suddenly it was over.

He was grown up again, wearing the leather jacket and worn out t-shirt and ripped jeans that had been his favorite outfit. Tattoos covered his arms and when he swallowed, Jack could feel his tongue ring.

"You always were a good looking boy, Jackie," Evelyn whispered, running her cool hand down Jack's cheek. She stood up and came over to hug him. "I'll be waiting when the time finally comes for you to rest, baby."

Jack clung to her, trying to make a few last memories of her, but even as he clutched her tightly to his chest, Jack felt Evelyn start to fade. "Goodbye Jackie," Evelyn whispered and suddenly she was gone. Jack stood alone in the middle of a snow-covered field. "Mommy," he whispered, the one word carrying in it everything he'd ever felt for her and all the apologies he'd ever wanted to give her.

Turning, Jack walked toward a frozen lake, somehow knowing that was where he had to go. Dropping to his knees at the water's edge, he sighed. "Evy," he said, placing his palm on the cold ice. Jack smiled as he felt himself being pulled toward his daughter, back where he really belonged.

- - - - - - - - -

Evy placed a rose on the gleaming wooden coffin. Behind her, a handful of people stood together, solemn expressions fixed perfectly on their faces. _Like any of you really care,_ Evy thought, the merest bit of anger leaking through the numbness she'd held onto since the day she'd felt her father die. The only people who had come were people they didn't even know very well. the old couple that lived next door to them who sent food over when Grace had stopped getting out of bed, Grace's co-worker from the diner who used to baby-sit Evy . . . the social worker who was going to take Evy to live with her grandmother.

_I wish Daddy was here,_ Evy thought desperately, sadness finally starting to leak through her wall of protection. _I wish they were both here, that none of this was happening._

Tears rolled down Evy's cheeks and the social worker stepped forward and put her hands on Evy's shoulders. "Don't touch me," Evy hissed, pulling away from the woman and stepping closer to the coffin. She laid her hand on the smooth wood, warmed by the afternoon sun that beat down on them. "At least you're with Daddy now, Mommy," she whispered.

"Come along Evy," the social worker said. "It's time to go."

Evy climbed onto her mother's coffin, ignoring the gasps from the people around. Lying flat on the top, she wrapped her arms around it and tried to make herself believe that she could hug her mother just one more time. She felt her rose crumbling beneath her ribs, thorns digging into her skin. Evy let out a sob and clutched the coffin lid as hard as she could. "Mommy," she sobbed. "Mommy, come back."

Someone pulled her off even though she fought. She didn't want to leave, she wanted to stay her. The only people she'd ever loved were dead and she didn't want to have to live without them. She wanted them back in the most childish, selfish way. She wanted her dad to read to her and sing, she wanted her mom to make macaroni and cheese and watch some corny old movie with her. She wanted them back and she didn't care how it happened so long as it did.

"How could you leave me?" she screamed, at the coffin, at the sky, at the parents who were supposed to protect her but instead had left her. "How could you leave so many things unfinished? How could you? _How could you?_"

Evy kicked and flailed against the strong arms that held her, so angry and sad that she felt like she was coming apart. But suddenly, she went limp with surprise. Jack was there, her Daddy was standing beside her mother's coffin, tears rolling down his face. He rested a hand on the polished surface and whispered, "I'm so sorry."

When he turned to look at Evy, she thought her heart would explode with happiness. He wasn't gone, he wasn't dead, he was right there. Her daddy had come back to take care of her. They'd move to Detroit and be with her gramma and her uncles and when she got older they'd laugh at the fact that she'd thought he was dead. "I'm so, _so_ sorry baby," Jack whispered. "I wish I had never left." He walked closer and rested his hand on her cheek. "I'm always watching you," he said quietly. "You'll never be alone. I love you."

"Daddy," Evy said, reaching out for him, but Jack started to fade away right before her eyes. "Daddy!" she screamed. "Daddy come back!"

But he was gone and Evy realized then that they would never be back, her parents were gone forever and she was alone. "Daddy . . . no," she whispered. Evy allowed herself to be carried back to the social worker's car. She didn't speak during the two hour drive to her grandmother's house, she didn't even move. Only when the social worker pulled up in front of a rundown house and unbuckled Evy's seatbelt, did she stir.

Evy got out of the car and looked around the neighbourhood without really seeing it. Right then, Evy realized that she was going to spend the rest of her life running until she could make it to Detroit, to family that her parents had actually wanted her to know, to the life Jack had always wanted for them. _This isn't gonna last long,_ Evy thought, following the social worker up to the front door. _This is just another stop on the road._

- - - - - - - -

Jack stumbled to his feet and ran away from the pool as fast as he could. No, _no_, _NO!_ Grace couldn't be dead, she just couldn't be. Evy couldn't be so much older, he couldn't have been dead that long.

As the memory of Evy's pain-filled, breaking, pleading voice filled his mind, Jack fell to the ground and sobbed as hard as he could. Yet again she'd needed him and yet a-fucking-gain, Jack had let her down.

How could hell really be any worse than this?

* * *

**Ah, such sadness. LOL, I know you guys love my depressing stories. Besides, if it was a happy ending, it wouldn't be my writing.**

**Don't forget to answer the question in your reviews.**

**Much love, till the next fic!**


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